An Eating Guide to the Silver Millenium
by Richard Beaubien
Summary: A zany crossover of Bishoujo Sailor Moon and Hitchiker Guide to the Galaxy
1. Part 1: The Clinical Depression Meal

  
Mizuno Prodcutions Presents  
  
A piece of SpamFic brought to you by Richard Beaubien...  
  
Not Spell checked, Grammar checked, or Insanity checked. You've been  
warned....  
  
**** Prologue  
  
It was all caused by an accident.   
A fairly innocent accident, really, as all accidents tend to be. But  
the shockwaves that the accident caused were anything but innocent.  
In fact, they led to rather nasty and distasteful consequences which  
threatned the very fabric of space and time (though that was rather a  
common occurence in this day and age). Yet it all started with one  
rather simple and rather stupid accident that involved a Kargon  
warship in a rather plain sector of space in a rather plain section  
of time.   
  
You see, the Kargons' ship was on its way to take part in a war the  
Kargons were involved with in a distant part of the galaxy. All you  
need to know about the war is that it's a rather silly war that had  
started, rather ironically, because of a rather innocent and stupid  
accident caused at some stuffy shirt luncheon. One thing led to  
another, and as is usually the norm for most diplomatic incidents a  
rather simple event lead to the throws of wars and millions of  
innocent lives were lost because said diplomat got his sandwich  
sliced diagonally instead of vertically. Thus, said accident was the  
reason one Kargon warship was in a rather plain sector of space,  
ready to fight a war for the honor of some snooty diplomat who just  
couldn't leave well enough alone.   
  
It was in this plain sector of space where another rather plain and  
silly accident happened. A rather bored navigation officer was  
working late one night at his terminal when, quite by accident, he  
spilled his frothy hot beverage of Quallon onto the navigation  
computer., Needless to say the navigation computer did not enjoy the  
hot beverage, and proceded to spark as the Quallon slowly covered  
its motherboard. The end result of said accident was a 24-hour rapid  
repair job, during which the rather inebriated navigation computer  
(it is a little known fact that most navigation computers have a low  
tolerance to Quallon) proceded to move the ship on a rather erratic  
course. The final destination being a rather unimpressive system  
devoid of any intelligent life - and, more importantly, lacking the  
opponents the Kargons were supposed to be fighting.   
  
Still, as is normal procedure for all Kargon miltary ships, the battle  
computer ran a threat anaylsis on the unimpressive system. And to the  
shock of most everyone on board the ship who thought the system was a  
rather wussy system the computer came to one conclusion. It was  
'Great Danger... RUN AWAY... WE WILL BE DESTROYED!!!'.   
  
A rather puzzled Captain looked at the message and laughed  
accordingly; how could a system so mind-numbingly boring as this  
stand in the way of a mighty Kargon war ship? Still, his curosity was  
piqued... and the captain did wonder why his computer had such a great  
fear of the pathetic place.   
  
So he quickly checked in with his superiors on Kargon Prime, reported  
his coordinates and stated that he was investigating a local anomaly  
(which his superiors translated as 'Ship is going crazy, going to  
kill some yokels for fun'). Slowly the ship moved into the system,  
and broadcasted a message back home saying that it had reached the  
first planet in the system and that all was going well except for the  
all-night party that just wouldn't stop.   
  
It was the last message the ship ever broadcasted.  
Which rather puzzled the warlords on Kargon Prime, who knew that the  
system said warship entered should have been destroyed by now. Or at  
least turned into a Kargon amusement park. But instead the ship just  
dissapeared into thin air. The Kargons, being curious about this,  
decided to send a ship to investigate the system. That ship also  
dissapeared without a trace. So the Kargons sent yet more ships to  
the system, and they too also dissapeared.   
  
Finally after 200 Kargon warships dissapeared someone finally clued in  
that something was wrong with the system. That someone also reasoned  
that the system may have the technology to wipe the Kargons off the  
face of the universe or eliminate telemarketers. Both of which didn't  
sit well with the Kargons. And so in a momentous day the Kargon  
empire signed a peace treaty and ended decades of rather senseless  
war. Peace was at last achieved, and the Kargons celebrated by  
sending their entire fleet to fold, spindle, and mutilate that rather  
annoying system in another senseless war.   
  
If only the Kargons knew what waited for them then perhaps they could  
have avoided one of the more senseless and stupid fates in the  
galaxy...  
  
*****  
  
Richard Beaubien Presents  
  
  
An Eating Guide to the Silver Millenium, Part 1: The Clinical  
Depression Meal   
  
(A Sailor Moon/Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy Crossover...)  
[Edited by Mike Koo's]  
*****  
  
There are (were? will be?) two problems with being the guardian of  
time.   
  
One of the problems was with birthday parties; nobody really knows  
how many candles to put on the cake. One time over 500 candles was  
placed on Setsuna's cake, which promptly lead to a visit from the  
local fire department. That, and Setsuna had the knack for receiving  
the same gifts over and over again. For example, during the party  
she had in 1975 she picked up a pair of platform shoes that she  
politely wore once and then tossed out, never to be worn again. But  
at her party in 1993 she received the exact same pair of platform  
shoes again - only this time she tossed them out immediately.   
  
The second problem was a more annoying one, at least for Setsuna.  
It's the problem with vacations, in that every single vacation  
Setsuna ever had was interupted by some major disturbance in time and  
space. And thus Setsuna had to go and save time but miss the rather  
scrumptious buffet at the restaurant. Oh, sure, she could go back  
to the time she left and continue the vacation, but a vacation tended  
to lose its luster after you'd slain over 100 random monsters over 5  
days of one's vacation.   
  
All in all, this rather frustrated Setsuna, who was looking to have a  
perfectly normal vacation for once. But she really couldn't do that  
with all of this Guardian of Time stuff hanging over her head. What  
she needed was a temp, somebody to fill in for the role of Sailor  
Pluto while she had a nice 3 month vacation.   
No - make that 6 months...  
  
Of course, most temp agencies didn't have any fill-in Senshi, and  
unlike the other Senshi she didn't have a replacement ready to step  
in and take over the family business.   
  
Not that anyone would want to, for Sailor Pluto was always at the  
bottom of all the 'Which Senshi would you like to be?' poll held in  
Crystal Tokyo. Even Hotaru had been number one once in the poll,  
mostly because people thought her Glaive was rather 'froody,' as they  
put it. But nobody wanted to be the Guardian of Time, nobody wanted  
to guard the time gates or take care of the messy things like a time  
pardox or new dimensions popping up. They all thought it was rather  
boring, really, not as exciting as turning your average rubber suited  
monster into a pile of subautomic particles.   
  
Yet Setsuna liked her job, liked it a lot. She enjoyed mucking around  
in time, enjoyed carrying around her time staff. And she enjoyed  
being mysterious and vague with people when she wanted something  
done, even if it was only picking up a litre of milk.   
She just wanted one thing...  
She wanted to have a vacation without being interrupted.   
  
Which lead Setsuna to the University of Crystal Tokyo Library and  
Velodrome. There she began to look around for any bits of info on a  
successor for Sailor Pluto... someone who would take over the job  
like she did way back when. Her search turned up nothing in the  
library, and thus Setsuna left rather dejected.   
  
That is until she walked into the Velodrome quite by accident.   
Sulking, she turned and saw a rather important piece of paper. In big  
Kana letters it said, 'Replacement Sailor Pluto: How to make one and  
ingredients required.'  
  
A look of pure glee overtook Setsuna as she picked the paper up,   
causing the racing cyclists to run into each other. Setsuna quickly  
used her time key to dissapear as the enraged cyclists started to  
yell at her.  
  
But Setsuna didn't care.  
  
Thanks to a completly innocent accident Setsuna was able to find a  
way to go on her dream vacation. All she needed to do was find a  
replacment Sailor Pluto. And Setsuna already had an ideal person in  
mind...  
  
*****  
  
The discovery of the theory of accidents was itself an accident.  
  
A pure stroke of luck really, as the Physics department of the   
University of Womponging was known for many things except excellence  
in science. The fact that it shared a building with the department of  
Gelatin and Jam was one of the major clues that the physics  
department was not all up to snuff.   
  
But it discovered, quite by accident, the Theory of Accidents.   
  
The Theory of Accidents states that everything in the universe  
happens by accident. The falling of the apple on Newton's head was an  
accident, the fact that life exists on Zolar Zeta was an accident.   
The fact that a lonely atom collides with another lonely atom to  
create an molecule was also an accident. Simply stated, the theory of  
accidents states that there is no order to the universe. Everything  
happens purely by accident in the universe.   
  
Needless to say, students loved this theory, saving minutes of  
valuable test time by answering every question with 'It happened by  
accident.' The people who wrote and made all of the laws of the  
universe, however, scoffed at the theory. They stated that everything  
followed an order, and the apple fell because of gravity and not just  
by some cosmic accident (though they did concide that life on Zolar  
Zeta was an accident...).   
  
However the Laws of the Universe theory lost all of its popular  
support when, quite by accident, all of the supporters of this theory  
spontenously combusted at the last Universal Physics council meeting.  
  
And so by yet another accident, the Theory of Accidents became the   
Theory by which the Universe worked on.   
  
*****  
  
There weren't many skills needed to be a restuarant critic, especially  
if you were a critic for the 'Galatic Cuisine Guide and Coster'  
publication. All one really needed was a simple vocabulary and a love  
of food.   
  
Ford Perfect had the simple vocabulary, but he didn't have the love of   
food. In fact one could write down his entire list of favorite foods on  
the front of your average resturant napkin. Still, for some weird  
reason Ford Perfect was able to get a job at the Galatic Cuisine  
Guide and Coster, and was sent on what was thought to be one of the  
worst assignments in the Galaxy.   
  
Thought to be the worst, until it was found out that the Earth  
possessed the cheapest prices in the galaxy on Qwatlon Polock. In  
fact, the price was so cheap that Ford was able to eat it every night  
and even got a toy with it. It was the best Qwatlon Polock in the  
Galaxy, though Ford preferred to call it by its Earth name.  
The 'Happy Meal.'  
  
It made Ford very Happy indeed, so happy that he was able to keep his  
job despite his gross incompetence in it.   
  
Always making sure to mention the joys of the local Happy Meal (which  
he made sure to mention was available almost everywhere), he almost  
singlehandly put down every other single dish in the world.  
  
In England, for example, he called fish and chips 'The most cruel  
thing in the world to do. Not to the fish, but to the eater who has  
to eat the vile thing.' Or in China where he aptly called a stir fry  
'A novel way to eat fried food, except that having your fried chicken  
go in circles as you eat still doesn't improve the taste of the  
dish.'  
  
It goes without saying that Ford was very incomptent at his job. Yet  
he still kept at it, perhaps because his expense account was the  
lowest of all the staff. Or perhaps because he kept on plugging the  
Happy Meal, which managed to make everyone very happy.   
  
At the moment Ford was working on a write-up on Sushi, and was slowly  
pondering on a way to write up the dish of raw fish without making the  
process of eating a still fresh and whole fish sound too disgusting.  
Flying off to Japan to do his research, one of the first things he  
commented on was the relative high price of the Happy Meals.   
  
He also made sure not to visit any Sushi resturant in case he had to eat a  
whole Salmon with a side dish of rice. That was not on his list of  
things to do in Japan, a list which consisted of eating a Happy Meal  
at every McDonald's and rating them and pretty much nothing else  
beyond looking at the neon signs.   
  
He was working on said review when he decided to check on the local  
scanner. A small blip flashed on it and a big smile hit his face. It  
wasn't often that a ship came past here and Ford hoped to use it to travel  
home. Because while Happy Meals were all good and such, nothing  
could beat Mom's home-cooking. Pity it didn't come with a toy.  
  
Besides, Ford wanted a vacation. A long vacation....  
  
A second blip flashed across the scanner...  
Followed by another.  
And another.  
And still yet another...  
  
All in all about 1000 blips flashed across the screen - each one  
hovering in orbit around Pluto. A small chill went down Ford's spine.  
  
He wasn't going to be able to hitch a ride home with these guys...  
  
****  
  
Osaka Naru was having a bad day.   
Not just any bad day, mind you, but one of those once-in-a-lifetime  
bad days that everyone has. Oh, sure, one could argue that Naru could  
have seen worse days, and that she should look on the bright side of  
things.   
  
But then it was hard to find the bright side of having two plantlike  
objects sticking out of the shoulder of the man you loved. Or three  
rather insane monsters laughing at you as you tried to remove said  
floral objects from the man.   
  
Still, Naru was slowly pulling them out, much to the suprise of the  
monsters. Maybe things would work out... maybe, just maybe they could  
go have some parfait like they had planned. And live happily ever  
after...  
  
Of course, this being a bad day things didn't work out as planned.   
The three youma let loose an attack at Naru and Nephrite bravely took  
it for her.   
Or was going to take it for her.  
  
The attack never did hit him; it just hung slowly in the air. Naru  
looked on puzzled as both the attack and Nephrite remained frozen. In  
fact, everything remained frozen.   
Everthying except her and a girl in a sailor fuku.   
  
No, not a girl. She looked more like a young woman than a girl, and  
it wasn't a Senshi she had ever seen before since none of the them   
had long, green-tinted hair or a staff. Still, if this one could help  
her...  
  
"Hello, Naru-chan."  
"Please, help him... you must!"  
"I can't."  
Naru blinked. A Senshi, refusing to help someone? Wasn't it their  
job to help people? "But..."  
"I'm afraid I can't help him. It's against my duty."  
"But he needs help... And I can't help him!!" Naru became even more  
panicked, looking at just how close the attack was to hitting the   
person she loved.   
  
"There is a way."   
"How?"  
"I can give you Senshi powers," the lips of the Senshi took on a bit  
of a smile as finished the statement.   
"Really...? But..." Naru looked at Nephrite, eyes full of care for  
her. She needed to do something to repay that look. Needed to do  
something to save him. "I'll do it. What do I do?"  
  
"Just grab the end of this staff..."  
  
A small pale glow came from the staff as Naru touched it, the glow   
slowly surrounding her. Her clothes began to dissapear, to be  
replaced by the outfit the mysterious Senshi was wearing. And in her  
hands rested an exact copy of the other's staff.   
  
A small smile came across her face; she had the power to stop this.  
She could save Nephrite. She could do...  
Could do...  
  
The smile qucikly turned into frown as Naru-Pluto quickly wapped  
Setsuna-Pluto in the head with her staff. "ARGH!!! I can't save him  
because it will muck up the time stream!!!!"  
  
"Well I never said you could," Setsuna-Pluto added, carefully placing  
a good distance between herself and her new apprentice. "I just said  
I'd give you Senshi powers."   
  
"Sod off!" Naru-Pluto added, mentally running through a host of  
devious tricks to play on Setsuna.   
  
And if it wasn't clinched before, it was clinched now. This was the  
absloute worst day of her life. Period....  
  
To Be Continued.....  
  
Timeline info: Setsuna here is from the end of the Stars timeline, whereas  
Naru is from the first season. Nothing really big comes from this,  
but I'd thought I point it out anyway...  
  
Still don't know If I will do more of this as I find it hard to write in  
this style. I hope it works, and if it doesn't well then you can  
just Sod off... :)  
  
Comments are welcome...  
  
Ja ne!!  
  
Richard Beaubien  
----------------  
Matsunaga Mikage "Chemistry Forever!!!"  
  
Fanfic homepage http://www.anime.usacomputers.net/~beaubird  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Part 2: Depression Fried Chicken with a ...

Mizuno Productions Presents...  
  
Another proud piece of Spam brought to you buy Richard Beaubien....  
  
(And you don't have to pay in 3 monthly installments of $19.95 either...)  
  
Again, this is not spell checked, grammar checked or Insanity checked.  
However a full eye exam was performed before the writing of this fic so  
you can rest assured I have perfect vision...  
  
*****  
  
The air stunk of cigar and cigarette smoke and ethanol fumes. The walls  
where a pale yellow colour from the tobacco and was sparsely decorated  
with random sports and beer pictures. And in the corner was a pool table  
which was at the moment being used for a wrestling ring instead of for  
pool.   
  
This was most definitely a bar.   
  
Not a high class bar mind you, but surroundings never really mattered when  
one wanted to get drunk. All that mattered was the alcohol; Taste, smell,  
and even a clean glass where all secondary.   
  
Not that Ford Prefect wanted to drink from a brown glass which was last  
cleaned when the establishment first opened up. But the overwhelming urge  
to get drunk over ruled his sensibilities about sanitary safety and he kept  
slamming the drinks down one after one, Beer after Beer, Sake after Sake,  
and Skullong Skuzim after Skullong Skuzim.   
  
Besides he really didn't choose to drink at this bar, he just woke up  
here. Woke up here without any memories of who he was and what he did  
beyond 3 little clues, his name, a picture of a planet called earth, and a  
little black computer like object which had Don't Panic written on it in  
Big reassuring letters. It helped calm Ford down, before he began feeling  
the sudden sense of Deja Vu that began to overpower him.  
  
He felt he had done this before, somewhere and in some other time. But  
Ford Prefect could swear that sometime in the past he woke up in a  
completely different bar experiencing the exact same situation he was in  
right now.   
  
This caused Ford to panic no matter what the big letters on the guide  
said. Waking up in the middle of the bar with no memory was not a common  
pastime for most people, Ford thought though he couldn't be sure with no  
memory to rely on. After all some people are just wonky enough to try  
anything for a good time.   
  
And Ford wondered if that could be him.   
  
Thus Ford began to drink, drink a lot really. In fact he drank enough to  
knock out the average Mysuptlim Bunger Beast, which is a huge quantity of  
alcohol in it's own right (Considering the Bunger Beast can handle the  
human equivalent of about 5 Kegs before it begins to get a bit woozy.  
Scientist have theorized that this is because of the high alcohol content  
of the lake's they drink from while others have reasoned that this is the   
highest form of evolution for the average college frat boy). But Ford was   
still awake (though horribly drunk) and was alert.   
  
At last he could look at the solution to his problem clearly. After all  
his problem was waking up in the middle of a strange bar with no memory.  
Which must of meant that he really threw down the hard liquor at another  
bar in the past. It was a perfectly reasonable answer to his problem...  
  
Except for the fact that his drinks where all paid for, and the fact that  
the picture of the planet Earth bothered him a lot. Actually a lot of things  
bothered him, but they where all quicksilver thoughts. Hard to catch and  
to hold on to. Only one idea came to him easily, and he finally gave into  
it after finishing off a Rum and Coke.   
  
Slowly, and quite wobbly, Ford typed in the planet Earth into the  
Computer like object. After a few seconds one sentence popped up on the  
screen. It read  
  
'Mostly Harmless....?'  
  
That struck Ford as wrong, dreadfully wrong. It just didn't add up to  
something kosher. So Ford sat down to another drink and began to slowly  
ponder the weight of the statement that stood before him.   
  
It was then that the doors of the bar where blown open. "No, not them!!!"  
The bartender cried as he ducked for cover. Other patrons did the same,  
all running to hide from the invaders and their rather large gun's.  
  
Of course Ford Prefect was still deep in thought as he downed another  
drink.  
  
"Run you fool!!It's the Pglath Militia front!!" The Bartender screamed as  
from his hiding place, not wanting to clean up the remains of a foolish  
customer. "The Pglath are the most ruthless killers in the galaxy!!!"  
  
"Huh," Ford said as he turned around, slowly looking at the bar room  
invaders. "Those aren't Pglath. Those are...Those are." Ford froze, at  
last he knew why he lost his memory, who the would be attackers where, and  
what the Planet earth and the little black computer where all about. He  
knew everything, and everything he needed to know to stop the Insanity.  
  
It was then that the rather large reptilian creature leveled his  
Kill-O-Matic gun at Ford, and squeezed the trigger. A bright blast of  
light impacted into Ford, throwing him off the stool and into the wall  
behind him. And as blackness slowly surrounded him, Ford could faintly hear  
one of his killers say, "What a shame, and I was hoping he would be able  
to listen to my poetry."  
  
Ford shivered at that as a beautiful white light surrounded him.  
  
****  
  
Richard Beaubien Presents  
  
A Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon/Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Crossover  
  
An Eating Guide to the Silver Millennium Part 2: Depression Fried Chicken  
with a side of Suicidal Cole Slaw  
  
****  
  
First let's settle a couple of thing's okay?  
  
Good...  
  
First off the author swears that at no point in this fic will the Generals  
from the Dark Kingdom come back to life. And that most definitely includes  
Jadeite, despite the pressure his agent is giving to the author.  
  
Secondly the author swears that at no point in time will he use the Senshi  
of Earth and the Sun in this fic. No Sailor Earth, Terra, or Ground will  
be used along with Sailor Sun, Sailor Sol, or Sailor Burning Yellow thing  
in the sky.   
  
The author assures you ahead of time that these devices will not be used  
during the fic. And it's a 100 percent, iron clad, trust worthy promise  
from the author. And you can trust him...  
  
However the author doesn't promise that he won't be introducing any  
new Senshi named after a particular element or mineral or obscure body of  
matter. The author also doesn't promise that he won't be adding any  
new male side kicks to recite poetry before the heroines fight.   
  
In fact the author plans to introduce a new Senshi right now, and it's a  
rather special one at that.   
  
For she is the only guardian of the planet Mquishikana Cephiro, and she  
defends it with honor and courage.  
  
She is the Beautiful Soldier Sailor Appapa Mokona Neko Mquishikana  
  
Though she's better known as Sailor Puu by her friends and coworkers. She  
is called that for one simple reason.   
  
She can only say one word, over and over again.   
  
"Puu!!!" Sailor Puu cried as she looked up into the skies, desperately  
trying to point an incoming danger to her 3 traveling companions.   
  
"Sailor Puu, what is it?" The red haired girl asked, looking towards the  
sky.  
  
"Puu," the young sailor said in a soft tone.   
  
"I get it!!" The blue haired young lady exclaimed, whacking her head.  
"Sailor Puu wants us to look at that shooting star!!!"  
  
"PUU!!!" the Senshi yelled in frustration as the three young girls yelled  
wai and sugoi in a cute fashion. Sighing, the young Senshi turned to look  
into the sky as the shooting star got closer to the planet. Too close in  
fact.   
  
And as the meteor crashed down Sailor Puu couldn't be blamed if she  
thought that this was all too over used plot for a disaster movie. The  
planet's defenders acting oblivious to the danger that threatens their  
plant until it's too late.   
  
But Sailor Puu didn't think that, she instead thought of only one thing.   
  
"Puu..."  
  
****  
  
"Meteor Cannon Check sir"   
  
"Thrusters Check!!!"  
  
"Juke box Check!!!  
  
"X-rated films loaded and ready to play!!!"  
  
"Thank you all!!" the captain of the Kargon war ship beamed as he finished  
the final preparations of his battleship. It had been so long since he  
last went to war that he wanted to savor every minute of the conflict.   
The senseless destruction, the cries for help, and the most important thing   
of all....  
  
Standing around in a multi billion dollar piece of high technology in a  
Snazzy white uniform.   
  
It was all just too froody for the captain thought as he read the destruction  
report of the planet just destroyed. That certainly made for a good  
traveling aid, though he did want to go the extra mile to taunt the  
populace with his power and great hair cut.   
  
But that would have to wait, they had another system to over run. One that  
had withstood an earlier Kargon invasion. One that would be the perfect  
place to make his debut to the universe.   
  
"Full speed ahead!!! And make sure the theme music is loaded!!!"  
  
"Yes sir!!!"  
  
"Soon," the captain mused, "Soon I'll be the most famous captain in the  
world."  
  
*****  
  
The Pan Galactic Encyclopedia describes Time Guardians as people that  
ensure that safety of the time stream for the universe. It goes on to say  
that the job they do is important and that we must be thankful for the  
job they do for us.   
  
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy also has a section on Time Guardians,  
though it is vastly different from the one in the Encyclopedia. It states  
first of that if you ever meet a time guardian that under no circumstance  
should you ever make a deal with her and that it would be best all around  
to run away from them. It describes them as manipulative, cruel, and that  
they would have no problem using and abusing your life for their master  
plan. Be it world peace or a roasted turkey on a Sunday afternoon.  
  
It also states to never watch a movie with a Time Guardian for fear of  
having the ending spoiled, though it does say that taking a time guardian  
to the track can be a most profitable experience if you play your cards  
right.   
  
It's no wonder then that Guide out sells the Encyclopedia 10:1 in most  
places in the known universe.   
  
****  
  
Osaka Naru would of probably wished she had a guide before she made her  
deal with Setsuna. Though since she didn't know it existed before hand  
chances are she wouldn't have made that wish. Still any warning that could  
of been made to stop her from making a deal with the guardian of time  
would of been most welcome. It would of stopped her from making the worst  
mistake of her life.   
  
The one where she except Senshi powers, thinking she could fight back and  
save the one she loved. But instead she had to sit back and watch it  
happen as Usagi could do nothing to save her. Or so she thought, it  
wouldn't of surprised her if her 'Sensei' had slowed Usagi down on purpose.  
Just so Nephrite could die, just so she could have her precious temp.  
  
The Younger Sailor Pluto deepened her scowl, she knew that even Setsuna  
wouldn't do something like that. But she liked to think of it that way,  
especially since it was easier to hate a person if you made them out to be  
a complete monster.   
  
Yes, Setsuna was a monster. An evil monster with an evil plan...  
  
"Moshi Moshi Minna-san!!! And Welcome to 'So your a Mahou no Shoujo  
now'!!!" This was phase 2 of Setsuna's evil plan, an infomerical designed  
to introduce new magical girls to the life style that they would soon  
lead. Naru hated it from the get go, planning to vist the overly perky  
host in the future and causing her pink hair to turn in a rather putrid  
purple colour.  
  
"It's not that bad Naru-san!!!" Setsuna said as she finished packing her  
things. "I mean it's only a 30 minute video, followed by the 20 minute  
time guardian one and the 200 page book."  
  
"But I don't want to watch this swill. And the host is annoying."  
  
"I've seen worse Naru-san. People that make evil itself cringe," Setsuna  
shivered as she walked into the room wearing a nice sun dress with a red  
straw hat on top. And to top off the completely odd look for Setsuna was  
the hint of red lipstick that surrounded her smiling mouth. "What do you  
think?"  
  
"I hate it!!!"  
  
"Your being negative again!!!" Setsuna lectured as she headed towards the  
door, "Remember it's only for a couple of months and the job isn't that  
bad. I'm sure you'll enjoy it!!!"  
  
"I'd rather have my teeth pulled out with no anesthetic" Naru replied as  
the host made the audience jump down and up yelling 'Go, Go, jump!!!'.  
"There should be a law against overly cute and hyper active people!!!"  
  
"Well I suppose I could always make a new tape, but it's a little too  
late for you," Setsuna giggled as she dodged the pillow thrown at her.  
"Okay, I get it. Anyway you have the run of the place until I get back.  
Here's a credit card in case you need to get anything. And try to keep  
time in check little sister."  
  
"Sister, ha!!" Naru scoffed as she walked over to the kitchen table  
picking up the credit card. "I wonder what kind of limit she has..."  
  
A devious thought entered her mind, a way to repay her 'sister' back for  
her kindness. And as she saw the taxi speed away from the house Naru  
smiled for the first time since she became the Senshi of time.   
  
"Hello, Kazuya Electronics. I'd like a big screen TV delivered please.  
Yes, can you charge it to a credit card please. Oh, and make it top of  
the line."  
  
*****  
  
Tokyo Tower...  
  
The great Tokyo Tower, the one place where all school children are  
required by law to visit. Tokyo Tower, a structure which can never be  
completely destroyed in any anime or rubber monster movie. And Tokyo Tower,  
an overused plot device for any story.   
  
For this one, it serves as a communications tower for a long distance  
intergalactic message. A message from Ford Perfect, a message that screams  
"Come and Pick me up before the planet dies dang it!!!" and broadcasts  
the coordinates of earth's exact location. And the exact location of Tokyo  
Tower making it easy for Ford to be picked up by any alien ship in the  
vicinity.  
  
It also meant that the invaders had a nice homing beacon to the planet  
Earth to follow, and that they could start the invasion earlier than  
planned.   
  
But Ford didn't think of that, instead he worried about what to write in  
his latest food review. The dish this time, Rice Balls with a can of  
coke and a pork bun. It all look sorta of delicious, except for one small  
thing...  
  
The rice balls were way to white for Ford's tastes.  
  
And thus tossing away the dish before he even tried it, Ford went to pick  
up yet another happy meal for him to eat. Perhaps maybe 2, one to give to  
his savior when the pick him up.   
  
After all one rarely gets treated to a good meal when on the road.  
  
****  
  
"Tadaimia!!!" Tomoe Hotaru greeted as she entered her home. "Setsuna-mama,  
Are you home?" The Sensei of Saturn had a feeling of dread pass over her  
as she walked into the living room. Something was up and she knew it, and  
it was...it was..  
  
A 32 inch High Definition TV with digital surround sound. "Sugoi!!!"  
Hotaru exclaimed as she gazed at the TV, dreaming of what she could watch  
on it. News, Documentary's, Educational shows, and that anime with the  
hunky leading man. "Yuu-sama..." Hotaru whispered as she drifted off into  
a fantasy land.   
  
"Ohayoo Hotaru-chan, how's your day," Naru greeted from behind the Stereo  
system. "Mou, the instructions make it look so easy to set up."  
  
"Naru-san??? Why are you here?"  
  
"Oh, I'm the temporary Sailor Pluto while Setsuna is out on vacation."  
  
"Temporary Senshi?" Hotaru asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.  
She wondered when the Senshi could ever make temp replacements, let alone  
the guardian of time. After all you can't really pick those out of a  
newspaper. "But how? Why?"  
  
"I don't know why all I know is I can turn into Pluto just by yelling  
'Pluto Planet Power Make Up'".  
  
One transformation scene later (one which we would of shown if the VCR  
wasn't broken. We have punished the person responsible and we do note that  
no such errors will happen in the future. We promise) Naru stood in front of   
Hotaru dressed as Sailor Pluto, Time staff and all.  
  
"Wow, I guess you are Sailor Pluto then," Hotaru said in awe, half  
wondering if she could find her own temp.  
  
"I think it only works for Pluto, since she does haven't a protege in the  
future to work with." Naru replied turning back into her normal form and  
starting back to work on her stereo. "Geez, I swear they make these  
instructions impossible to follow!!!"  
  
"How, how did you read my..."  
  
"Your thoughts, I dunno I just guessed. Maybe it's the time thing taking  
over."  
  
"Weird...Man you might just be a time guardian after all!!" Hotaru laughed  
before she caught the sharp look that Naru sent her way. "Ah...Of course,  
where did you get the TV from though Naru-neesan?" Hotaru asked in a  
brilliant topic change (which the Russian judge gave a 6.5 for).  
  
"I used Setsuna's credit card to buy it. She left it here for me to use."  
Naru beamed imagining all the stuff she would buy. The new PC, the new  
clothes, the new Italian Sports car.   
  
"Wow, she left that. She'd never let me use it."  
  
"Well I'll let use it at least once. Name one thing and you can have it."  
  
"Really?" Hotaru asked, wanting to make sure that this was real.   
  
"Really!" Naru nodded as she finally ripped up the instruction books.  
She'd have to pay a visit to factory one of these day's to see how they  
themselves put these things together.  
  
"Well there is one thing..."  
  
*****  
  
A couple of points on Instruction books from the Guide.   
  
The Guide notes that Instruction book does everything but help you  
assemble what the instructions is telling you to assemble. For example  
instructions make wonderful coasters and bird cage lining, and make  
wonderful kindling. But they do not, no matter what the reason is, make  
assembling the product the instructions are fore easy.   
  
One theory for this is that their is a law against accurate instructions  
in the galactic business sector. This theory states that the company  
misleads people in order to charge ridiculous assembly costs or cause the  
person to buy another product all together.  
  
Another theory states that the people writing the instructions have an IQ  
less than the average bed mattress (actually the Bed mattress's are quite  
a bit smarter than the people that write instruction books). A more  
popular version of this theory is that the entire business industry is  
stupid in the first place and it's a plain miracle they get anything right  
at all.  
  
However other people believe that instruction books are part of a secret  
message meant to warn the universe of an upcoming disaster. And they go  
onto predict that this disaster will happen when screw A is placed into  
slot B and tightened with nut D.   
  
It is still unknown as to which of these theories are really true...  
  
****  
  
It was an upper class restaurant, one of the best in the district. And  
Hotaru had wanted to eat there for ages. To eat their pasta, to drink  
their wine, and most of all to dress up in nice clothes.   
  
All of the things she couldn't get at the fast food places Michiru and  
Haruka had managed to take her when they went out to eat. And while KFC  
may have been good the first time, after awhile machine separated chicken  
does begin to lose it's appeal.  
  
Which is why she was glad Naru took her here, to a nice ritzy restaurant.  
With good food, good service and most importantly of all good sake.   
  
"Ah...This is some good Sake!!" Naru exclaimed as she downed another  
glass. "What do you think of it Hotaru-chan!!!"  
  
"It's...It's unique," Hotaru added, noting that she didn't really take to  
Sake that well. Still she did have a nice bottle of White Wine to drink,  
and it did have a full body flavor to it. "I'll just drink my wine thank  
you."  
  
"Ah spoil sport," Naru cried as he face turned a beat red, making a  
second important discovery of the day. The one where she found out that  
she did not make a good drunk. "Ah...Sake-sama!!!"  
  
"Whatever, let's just move to our table okay?" Hotaru asked as she started  
to lead Naru over. After all she didn't want the staff to get suspicious  
at 2 under age girls drinking up a storm.   
  
"Don't worry, I managed to convince them where both 26. That way the Sake  
will be flowing all night." Naru hicuped, perhaps finding the first  
advantage to being a time guardian. Beyond the Credit Card advantage that  
is....  
  
"Wow, this planet servers alcohol to under age school girls." A voice from  
behind them asked, causing Naru to turn around in panic. No one should  
be able to see through this disguise, least of all someone who is drunk.   
  
"I'm sorry you must be mistaken. Me and my friend here are 26."  
  
"Nahh, I can tell your both under age. Don't ask me how but I can tell..."  
the man replied as he downed yet another glass, his 30th of the evening  
Naru noted.   
  
And something else bothered her about this guy, a feeling she had. That he  
may be involved something big, something involving the time stream.   
  
"Who are you, and what do you want?" Naru asked, very much sound like a  
time guardian. Even Hotaru was amazed at just how much Naru sounded like  
Setsuna. She was also very sober suddenly..  
  
But those thoughts where stopped by a loud explosion at the front door. As  
the smoke cleared two rather large reptile figures stood in the door with  
rather big gun's. Naru and Hotaru both nodded to each other as they  
grabbed for their transformation wands.   
  
They knew what it was they where facing and how to do deal with it. It was  
after all your everyday...  
  
"Vogon's...Not them again!!" The man exclaimed as the two beings leveled  
their gun's at him. "Not bloody again!!!" He yelled as he saw them pull  
the trigger on the Kill-O-Matic gun's, ready to send a white hot  
projectile death his way.  
  
It was a wonderful time for a cliff hanger actually...  
  
To Be Continued....  
  
  
  



	3. Part 3: 100% Imitation Crab Meat served ...

Mizuno Productions Presents  
  
Yet another spam fic that isn't spell checked, grammar checked or Insanity  
checked.   
  
However the fic has been checked for lice, ticks, and fleas....  
  
******  
  
It was a bright sunny and cheerful day on the Planet Sammy. Everyone was  
in state of extremely blissful happiness, singing and dancing as the noon  
sun warmed the fields. It was the harvest of the extremely tasty Puzzum  
Fruit, a delicacy which made Sammy famous through out the universe.   
  
For not only does the Puzzum have a divine taste, it also has the side  
effect of making everyone that eats incredibly, blissfully, and giddily  
happy. So happy that a visit from the local Insurance salesman would be  
seen as a reason to have a celebration. It's power is so great that an  
audit could be as funny as your average sitcom, even if you did lose  
everything.   
  
And the fruit helped make everyone on the planet Sammy extremely happy,  
despite the fact that the plant itself had a stench worse then the  
municipal Garbage dump, surroundings that made a war zone look like a fun  
place to live, and a temperature that made vacationing on the desert planet  
of Yumishika seem like a dream vacation.   
  
But everyone was happy and that was all that mattered.  
  
Well it wasn't all that mattered to the only non happy person on the  
planet, the solitary man that was brooding under one of the toxic tree  
tops. Unlike the others Mr. Yamucha couldn't afford to dance around in  
happiness and ignore life. For he had a mission of supreme importance to  
carry out, a mission of which the entire fate of the galaxy depended on.   
  
Not that he didn't want to dance around like a giddy idiot, naive to  
everything important. But if that happened chances are everything would  
cease to exist or his head would be mashed open by one of his coworkers,  
much like one of them was doing now to one of the locals causing yet more  
cheers of joy to come from the Sammiyans  
  
"If they keep it up they might just use poetry on them," a voice from  
behind the man said in a dry tone.   
  
"I doubt it, I think there are limits to the mind intoxicating powers of  
the fruit." Though he wasn't sure about that.  
  
"Who knows, that group of kids over there seem to be having fun with the  
poetry. Hell they're even offering hints on how to make it better."  
  
"Blimy, we should of have never hired them in the first place," Mr.  
Yamucha shrugged, hoping he couldn't hear the poetry over here. Suddenly  
even a small bite of the fruit was looking even more appealing by the  
minute, "So what do you have to report now?"  
  
"We found him. Found two of him actually."  
  
"Your kidding, two of them?"  
  
"Yes sir, we have photo evidence of them right here." the lackey said as he  
handed over the photos to Yamucha. In his hands where photo evidence of  
the person he was sent to hunt, the person that forced him to  
work closely with Vogons. And upon closer look even he had to agree that  
they where indeed, two different people. "Agent D really did some good  
work on these photo's right Mr. Yamucha?"  
  
"This is a bad sign. I don't like this."  
  
"We have one unit down there taking care of him right now, but we may need  
another to take of the other one. It seems he wants to leave the planet,  
at least that's what the message we intercepted said." The underling  
smiled as he produced a tape from his pocket. "Do you want to listen to  
it?"  
  
"No, it's fine. Have we done something about this?"  
  
"We have blocked the transmission of the message. We should have a ship  
ready to pick him up soon in case the agents on planet don't work."  
  
"This seems too clean, and two at once," Yamucha frowned as he thought  
things through. There was only supposed to be one, he was told. And the  
fact that there are two seemed to imply that there was something that even  
he didn't know about. And Yamucha did not like stuff being hidden from  
him. "Anything else to report?"  
  
"Nothing much beyond a stellar invasion fleet coming ito kick butt. We  
estimate that the planet has maybe 1 week of life left at most."   
  
"Then perhaps we should take things into our own hands then. I'll be  
heading to this planet to over see this little operation myself."  
Suddenly a thundering roar filled the sky as a gleaming gold space ship  
descended from the sky. As the ramp slowly opened up, the Sammyians  
started to cheer and sing the space ship invader song. A song which was,  
Yamucha noted, nauseatingly happy and cute like the rest of them. "All  
right, everyone on board."  
  
And as the Vogons slowly started to board the ship the natives decided to  
sing them a goodbye song, the cheerfully upbeat 'We're getting  
slaughtered' song!. With the colour of Sammyians being hit by Kill-O-Matic  
guns filling the sky the locals had yet another festival to celebrate on  
this happy day. Another festival joining the 10000000 which where  
celebrated on that day alone.  
  
****  
  
Richard Beaubien Presents   
  
A Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon/Hitch hiker's Guide to the Galaxy Crossover  
  
An Eating Guide to the Silver Millennium Part 3: 100% Imitation Crab Meat  
served with a topping of Genuine Artificial Cheese Spread  
  
****  
  
A Cliff Hanger is a great many things really.   
  
The Hitch Hiker's guide to the galaxy has two separate entries for a Cliff  
hanger. The First one describes a cliff hanger as a rather popular dish at  
an obscure restaurant in the Della system. The Dish is made up of a mish  
mosh of ingredients which change from dish to dish, and the people eating  
take a risk as to whether or not it tastes good or if it will kill them.  
Many an adventurer had tried the famous cliff hanger dish, but only a few  
had lived through to tell the tale.  
  
(Which of course only pushed the popularity of the dish through the roof  
producing the slightly less risky, but just as popular, Yuppie Cliff  
Hanger for the rich and famous. The patrons then only risked at the worst  
a mild tummy ache and a one day flu upon eating the dish.)  
  
The second entry deals with the literary irony of the cliff hanger and how  
to handle it while hitchhiking. It says that a cliff hanger is a  
situation where you have no idea if you're going to survive or not. It  
describes these as hopeless situations ranging from facing down a squad of  
Xylon marines with Kill-O-Matic guns to not having a can opener to open  
the only piece of food you have while your starving to death. The  
situations vary but one thing remains constant, you have no idea what's  
going to happen next.   
  
Taking that into account then the author has concluded that the next scene  
is not the continuation of a cliff hanger since the outcome was never in  
doubt from the first place. It's blatantly obvious who's going to survive  
and who's going to get their butts kicked.  
  
But just for fun sake let's do the scene anyway....  
  
*****  
  
"Vogons...Not them again!!" The man exclaimed as the two beings leveled  
their guns at him. "Not bloody again!!!" He yelled as he saw them pull  
the trigger on the Kill-O-Matic gun's, ready to send a white hot   
projectile death his way.  
  
A projectile death that never came, the man noted, as he slowly opened his  
eyes. He felt very much in one piece, a rare feeling for a man that  
should have taken a Kill-O-Matic blast in the chest. But instead of burnt  
flesh and taunting Vogons standing over his corpse there were two girls in  
rather skimpy looking Sailor Suits standing in front of him. One had a  
rather stupid looking key object in front of her, while the other had a  
dumb looking staff with a blade on top of it. It all struck him as being  
beyond weird really, stranger than the strangest thing he had ever  
experienced.   
  
Even stranger than the time with the Lumpolish slime beast and the spork of  
doom, he noted. "Bugger, is this some sign for me to lay off the  
drinks!?!" he yelled out loud, not really expecting an answer.   
  
"Calm down, we're here to help," the weird girl with the giant Key (who  
for some weird reason called herself Sailor Pluto) said, trying her best  
to reassure him. It wasn't working really, since he knew that a Giant Key  
really couldn't do much against a Kill-O-Matic gun. But then he was alive  
because of them. Maybe they could do something to protect him.   
  
"Dinner is a time to spend with family and friends. That is a time that  
shouldn't be interrupted." the man groaned loudly as the girl who called  
herself Sailor Saturn broke into her speech. Speeches wouldn't work  
against them, not the masters of the most dangerous form of speech in the  
universe.   
  
"And I will not tolerate such an interruption. For I am.." but that  
statement wasn't finished by Sailor Saturn . Instead one of the Vogons  
decided to fire a shot that managed to miss Saturn by a few inches,  
clipping off a bit of her hair in the process. The man noted, with a sour  
expression, that he and the girls would be dead soon if he didn't do  
anything. He just need to find something to would help him out here.  
  
"Enough Speaking, if you don't hand over that man we'll be forced to kill  
everyone here. Or even worse," The Vogon threatened, drawing gasps from  
the entire crowd. "Come now Ford Prefect, do you really think you can get  
away from us?"  
  
"Well you can't blame a guy for trying can you," Ford laughed, trying to  
buy a few more seconds for his mind to figure a way out of this mess. But  
it seemed no ideas where forthcoming.   
  
"Well I guess you can't blame us for reading a bit of poetry then. I  
has been a while since I've last practiced and I've been looking forward  
to get back at it." Ford stiffened as the rest of the room relaxed. The  
fools thought that they would be hearing normal poetry, but they would  
soon know the terrors of Vogon poetry. A terror with which he already had  
a lot of experience unfortunetly.  
  
  
"You...You!!!" Saturn muttered finally as the cut bit of her hair hit the  
ground beside her*, ironically adding to the dramatic tension of the  
scene. If Ford hadn't known better he would of sworn it was like he was in  
a movie of some sort. Of course if it was then he could call in his stunt  
double to deal with this crap while he went and got punch drunk. But the  
chances of that happening...  
  
"I never get to do a speech, never," the young girl cried as she slowly  
walked forward, Ford being the first to notice her face. "And when I  
finally get to do one you interrupt me," Saturn continued as her face shed  
the dramatic shadows which had hid it, revealing to the entire restaurant  
what her emotions where at the time.  
  
"For that you will pay. Die.." Hotaru whispered, not a hint of  
emotion on her face. And for the first time in his life Ford swore he  
almost saw a look of fear on a Vogon face. Ford himself was terrified  
beyond the belief, along with the rest of the patrons. In fact the only  
person that wasn't scared witless was Sailor Pluto. She looked on with a  
strange look, a look which said that she knew what the outcome of the  
impening fight was going to be even before it happened. A look that was  
accompanied by a wry smile.  
  
A smile that made Ford feel very uncomfortable indeed.  
  
Ford was snapped out his thoughts though by the sound of a Kill-O-Matic  
gun going off. Quickly turning around he saw Saturn parry the attack with  
the blade of her glaive, before she turned around and yelled 'Silence  
glaive surprise'.   
  
And before he knew it the Vogon that had been attacking them was turned  
into a pile of dust before his eyes. Just like that, a young girl had  
turned a member of the most feared species in the entire universe into a  
common household problem. And it scared the hell out of Ford.  
  
It scared him so much that he started to slowly back out the door, away  
from both the crazy Sailor girls and the remaining Vogon. And as he turned  
his head around he could see that the Vogon himself had the same idea,  
though he seemed to be doing it rather quickly too. But not quick enough.  
  
"Dead Scream," Pluto whispered in barely audible voice as she finished  
twirling around in a circle. As she finished her words a ball of energy  
emerged from her staff, a ball that impacted neatly into the chest  
of the terrified Vogon turning him into another pile of dust. A pile which  
rested beside the dust pile that was his former partner, in order to   
insure an easy after fight clean up for the cleaning staff.  
  
And a scary thought suddenly entered Ford's mind. He wondered if he  
himself could be turned into a pile of dust too.  
  
"Prefect-san," Sailor Pluto said as she walked over to him. "Perhaps we  
can talk for a bit, I have some interesting questions I need to  
ask you."  
  
"Yes," Ford numbly replied, revising his thinking on an escape plan. After  
all he had little experience dealing with over powered psycho speech girls  
in short skirts. "If you'll allow me to sit down, I'd quite fancy a pint  
of bitter right about now."  
  
****  
  
*(It has been noted by the Guide that out of the ten things not to do when  
fighting a girl, cutting her hair accidently ranks third on the list.  
Number two on the list to make a comment about her weight and the number  
one thing on list of stuff not to do while fighting a girl is to call her  
a Pishy Pishy Posh Pish. No reason has been given for this being number  
one, but the Guide does state that doing this during a fight will result  
in death in the best of cases and a rather painfully death dragged out  
over a period of several years in the worst. And the Guide is rarely, if  
ever wrong....  
  
Or so the Guide says.)  
  
****  
  
Meanwhile, at the fringe of our solar system, all of the ships in the  
Kargon armada prepared to execute the one true war tactic they had always  
used. And used to the utmost success.   
  
For the Kargons had assembled there entire space fleet to overwhelm one  
tiny little insignificant little planet. It would be a glorious massacre  
that the muses would sing about for ages, admiring the Kargons cruelty as  
they wiped this planet from the universe.  
  
Who knows, they might even build an interstellar bypass through here  
named after the chief commander of the stellar invasion fleet.   
  
All in all it would be a great morale booster for the Kargons at home.  
Nothing cheered the people up like a good old planet destruction.   
And if the Kargons had their way, the planet would soon be destroyed in a  
matter of days.  
  
And none of the people on the planet would know what hit them, or so the  
Kargons thought.  
  
But then they didn't expect a time guardian to be hanging around earth  
either.   
  
****  
  
It was a pleasant, sunny day, one of many that seemed to come in Hawaii at  
this time of the year. It was early spring here and the sun was warm  
enough to be hot, but not hot enough to be a bother. In fact the weather  
was perfect for a vacation. Absolutely no rain at all had fallen over the  
past 3 days, and if things stayed that way it would be the best  
vacation ever.   
  
And Setsuna had a funny feeling that the weather would remain sunny for  
the remainder of the week. Of course it helped that she knew what the  
weather was going to be like during her vacation, her powers with time had  
made sure she would pick the best week to have her vacation. But that didn't  
take away from the thrill of actually having a perfectly sunny vacation...  
  
"Excuse me," a young man bowed as he walked past Setsuna. The man, she  
noted, was Japanese like most of the people on the beach. She  
supposed it was a side effect of the year that she had picked to vacation,  
really.   
  
The Yen was a lot stronger against the dollar in the mid 80's then in 98,  
and Setsuna wanted to make sure she could get her money's worth on her  
trip. Besides there was something else on the beach that she wanted to try  
that only existed in the 1980's and not in the 1990's. Something so  
excessive that it called out to her as the thing she had to do for the  
first part of her vacation, before she went on a hunting trip with  
Napoleon.   
  
She had to experience the Buffet from Hell, a dinner so terrible that  
nobody had ever finished it before. Its portions where immense and the  
dishes where rumored to be never ending. And if you ate it all the dinner  
would be free, but if you couldn't...  
  
Setsuna didn't want to think about that, she knew she had the best chance  
to beat such a dinner. After all, she was a guardian of time, and even if  
she couldn't finish a dish she could always bend the rules a bit. And   
there was no law saying that she couldn't abuse her powers slightly.  
  
But then that wasn't what was bothering her really. It was the sudden  
feeling that something very awful was going to happen with the world very  
soon and Setsuna was needed in the present to deal with it.   
  
Of which Setsuna replied with a rather sharp 'Go away, Naru can handle  
it and I want to eat some ribs'.   
  
This puzzled Setsuna's subconscious, for it was rare for Meiou to ignore a  
potential time paradox. And it had very shaky feeling that this one could  
be too much for the inexperience young girl to handle. It tried to tell  
Setsuna of this, but all she got in replay was the ribs were good and up  
next is the world famous mashed potatoes so sod off.  
  
Of course this was Setsuna's subconscious, and it was every bit as  
manipulative as Setsuna was in real life. And without a second thought  
she suggested (well it wasn't really a suggestion, more like a gentle form  
of brainwashing except that it wasn't gentle at all really. The sub  
conscious had to use a hydrolic drill to get firmly into Setsuna's mind)  
that Meiou might want to visit the Tokyo Tower and experience the famous  
views from there.   
  
Something Setsuna was more than happy to do, because that was the most  
important part of her vacation really. She really couldn't believe why she  
put it off for so long. And after finishing off the potatoes and paying the  
bill, Setsuna left to visit the Tower like she always planned to do from  
the get go.  
  
"Thank god she's gone, she had the look like she could finish off the  
entire meal and then some more," One of the waiters sighed as he talked  
to the chef.  
  
"Yeah, but the newcomers should be easy targets. Just look at the dopey  
kid and the shriveled old man, they shouldn't even last past the 3rd  
course. And the woman, ha!!"  
  
"Don't worry, I'll start them off mild to run up the bill!!" The waiter  
said as he left the chef's tent to head towards the table. As he moved  
closer he could see what a couple of idiots the guys were, they wouldn't  
last long. As for the young woman, well she looked normal and all but she  
didn't look like the type of person who could finish such a demanding  
meal. It was going to be an easy pay day again for the Buffet from Hell.  
  
"Hello, How may I help you Miss, Miss?"   
  
"Sakura," the young lady replied with a glint coming from her smile, "And  
I'd like to order 3 of your buffet dishes please."  
  
****  
  
It has often been rumored, though rarely confirmed, that among the first  
alien visitors who visted the planet earth in the past (a fact that can be  
easily proved by the mark of one of the greatest practical joke teams in  
the universe, the Julian Jubei Jokesters, a mark which consists of desert  
pyramids and a Sphinx like structure) was a species known as the Yuuman  
Yutlebuts.   
  
And through a complete and totally pointless accident the Yuuman blood got  
mixed into the human gene pool. And while this is a rumor, it is based on  
some fact. It is proven because all generations of Yuuman/Human ancestors  
manage to split the traits of their Yuuman forefathers. Some manage to get  
the ugly side of the Yuuman gene pool, turning into a shriveled up prunes  
before their time. And the other, more lucky descendents end up getting  
the the eternally slim waistline that all Yuumans are famous for.   
  
Needless to say the ones with the good genes go on to become super  
models while the others go into hiding or become rather eccentric old  
people with strange and mystical powers.   
  
Of course this is only a rumor....  
  
****  
  
"They what? How could they!!" the lackey screamed, seeming to think that  
his yelling could actually change the fact that the Vogons on earth  
actually had failed at their task. "It's not possible, nobody on that dust  
ball has anything to stop a Kill-O-Matic Gun!!!"  
  
"How do you know, eh?" Yamucha wryly added from his command chair. He had  
been getting bad vibes from this place since he first heard it was the  
location of the one they needed to hunt. And these vibes increased ever  
since he had found out that this person had an exact double on the   
planet right now. "They could have stuff to handle it, you just never  
know."  
  
"But we do know, we've done a lot of research on this planet and we know  
exactly how dangerous it is."  
  
"And how dangerous is it?"  
  
"It's mostly Harmless."   
  
"I wonder," Yamucha muttered, wondering if this place was really as  
harmless as people where making it out to be.  
  
****  
  
There is one fundamental problem with every book ever published, and this  
ranges from your grade 9 text book to the Encyclopedia Galatica to even the  
most read and trusted publication in the galaxy, the Hitch Hiker's Guide.  
And that problem is this; the book itself generally reflects the bias of  
the person or persons writing the book.   
  
For example through a few strokes of a pen and creative placing of a few  
words here the novel the 'History of Wang Wing Bong' was able to turn  
public opinion against the founder of the government on the planet Wang.  
Within the span of a year the book had changed the image of the prime  
minister from a kindly old man to being that of evil itself and then back  
again to being the founder of the planet (the planet now being evil  
itself).   
  
Such is the power of the written word.  
  
And that power often increases through the respect of the publication. The  
Hitch Hiker's Guide is one such publication whose printed words are  
treated like a gospel of truth, despite the fact that many entries have  
rarely been checked or double checked. They accept the opinion of the  
author at face value and assume that what he says is correct even if he  
has only spent a minute on the planet before hiking off to one of the near  
by pleasure planets.   
  
And there is of course the fact that the Guide is often taken as the   
one true source of important information about a planet or region of  
space. This is not true, for in reality the guide is nothing more than a  
travel book. A book that offers advice for hitchikers on how to surviving  
on a strange planet, how to eat on the planet, and how to get a good drink  
on said planet without pickling your entire body.   
  
Thus when the guide calls a planet 'Mostly Harmless' it does that because  
it's 'Mostly Harmless' to all hitchikers, not because that planet  
is harmless for invading armies, galatic insurance salesmen or traveling  
Space mimes.   
  
But that doesn't stop Galatic warlords and supervillians from putting  
'Mostly Harmless' planets on their path for plunder and destruction.  
Because after all a 'Mostly Harmless' planet is 'Mostly Harmless'...   
  
That is until one space pirate stumbled across a Mostly Harmless planet in  
the Mily Way galaxy...  
  
****  
  
"So your the guardian of this planet right?" Ford asked as he downed yet  
another class of Sake, a drink he had become rather fond of in a short  
amount of time. It went down quickly and had just enough kick to it to  
give Ford a buzz. And Ford needed a good buzz.   
  
"Yes, we do serve as guardians for this planet," Saturn nodded, quite  
amazed that Ford was still managing to make a bit of sense after  
slamming down 3 sake bottles.   
  
"But what's really wonky, and humor me on this, is the fact you're called  
Saturn and Pluto. I mean if your really the guardians of Earth why not go  
by the name of Earth, or Terra or Tokyo even?"  
  
Saturn began to speak before Pluto interrupted her, "Well it's nice that  
your having a good laugh at our expense but perhaps we should get on to  
more important things. Like say how you managed to get two of those  
'Vogons' after you?"  
  
"Vogons, well I dunno really," Ford mumbled, a sudden thought breaking  
through his sake-induced haze. "Perhaps they're after me because I know  
they want to build a Galactic bypass here sometime soon." Ford downed  
another drink before he realized the implications of the statement. "Hmm,  
perhaps I might be able to get a lift of this planet from you two chaps  
then."  
  
"Not likely," Pluto mused, her face revealing nothing of what she thought,  
"Especially since these 'Vogons' aren't going to over run the planet  
anytime soon."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Positive," and Naru was positive, for she knew that Setsuna had managed to  
find the location for the plans of the bypass. She knew that Setsuna filed  
a complaint, and knew that Setsuna managed to strike fear into the hearts  
of the Vogon high council through some rather hideous and evil means  
that don't fit into a family story like this. Naru knew all of this, and  
she didn't know how. "In fact these Vogons are after you for a different  
reason. And you know it Prefect-san."  
  
"Huh, what are you talking about?" Ford said, suddenly looking for any  
path to escape from here. Something that would take him far away from  
Vogons and Sailor Suited little girls.   
  
"Why, if you don't know Mr. Prefect, then perhaps you should follow us?"   
Pluto smiled a trusting smile which was anything but reassuring for  
Ford. It also drew a curious glance from Saturn, who also didn't seem to  
know what was going on. This also, curiously, made Ford feel even less  
secure about going off with Pluto.  
  
"Err, Pluto are you sure about this?"  
  
"Yes, I am." Pluto said before she whispered something to Saturn. Suddenly  
Saturn's look of concern turned into a rather confident smile, a smile  
that Ford also didn't like one bit. "So are you ready to go?"  
  
Ford's mind hit overdrive here, for he was sure he had to get away from  
this place . Away from these people that could turn him into a pile of  
dust. But somewhere deep inside his subconciuos there was a little voice  
which kept on saying that he had to trust Pluto, that in the end she would  
help work through the mess Ford was caught in.  
  
At least Ford thought it was voice in his subconscious, it could of very  
well been then methanol talking to him for all he knew. Still going with  
the two young Sailor Suited ladies did sound like an awfully froody idea.  
  
So Ford made a decision that would probably change his life forever.  
"Okay, lead on fair Pluto!!"  
  
****  
  
In order to establish some things for future reference, yes Naru knows  
exactly what's going on and how to handle it. She knows just what the  
story behind Ford is, and she does know how he fits into it.   
  
She also knows why she indeed became Sailor Pluto, the reason behind all  
the other chaos, and also the secret formula for Coke and the exact  
reasoning behind the failed launch of New Coke.   
  
In fact Naru knew a lot of stuff she really didn't wish to know, a lot of  
stuff she put into effect through her own manipulations. And knowing all  
of this only meant that Naru was in an even worse mood than she was in  
when she started this day from hell.   
  
It truly was a hellish day after all, and it could only get worse from  
here Naru noted.  
  
****  
  
Ford sighed as he managed to use up the last of his Yen for the  
telescope. It had already been a day since he sent his distress call  
through space and still the sky showed no signs of his rescue ship at  
all, though the towers telescope wasn't really suited to stellar  
observation.   
  
All of this just made Ford want to cry, for soon the planet he had grown  
to love would be run over by a power hungry army. And even more  
importantly he would be on the planet when it would be run over by the  
Kargons. If only someone could come and save him from his doom. After all  
he did have Happy Meals to give them...  
  
Of course fate has a funny way of answering prayers. Sometimes it ignores  
them, sometimes it laughs at them by doing the exact opposite. And  
sometimes it answers them, though usually when that happens people wish  
she had never answered at all. Ford's prayers of course where just  
answered when he saw the young woman suddenly appear in front of him.   
  
"Hello, are you here to help me leave the planet Miss?" Ford said as he  
bowed in front of her. "I have Happy meals to give you if we leave early."  
  
"And why would I want a Happy meal," The green haired young lady replied,  
a look of disgust appearing on her face. "I mean, I just came from a great  
buffet with BBQ Ribs and you think I'd want to eat that?"  
  
"But it's the greatest meal ever made!! Just look at the grease that  
glistens off the fries, look at the melted cheese and pickles on the bun.  
Can you not say that this is the greatest food ever made? Besides it came  
with a toy!!" Ford exclaimed as he produced a wind up pink car from his  
pocket. He shouted screams of joy as he wounded it up and let it run  
across the floor of the tower.  
  
"Figures, I'd have to get stuck with the idiot."  
  
"Well it serves you right you know?" A voice from behind her exclaimed.  
Setsuna knew who it was though, and it didn't help her mood improve at  
all.   
  
"Pluto, Saturn, and you." She hissed turning around to see the two Senshi  
and Ford Prefect. This Ford was looking around the tower with a sharp eye,  
an eye that seemed to have intelligence gleaming from it unlike the git  
with the wind up toy.   
  
"Bloody, he looks just like me!!" Prefect exclaimed as he looked over the  
grown man that was on all fours and chasing a wind up toy.   
  
"Why hello there! You must like Happy meals as much as I do, want one."  
  
Ford didn't know what to do with the offer. He didn't know if he should  
laugh, cry, or scream at the same time. His brain was going into over drive  
trying to think of the possibilities. For standing in front of him was his  
exact double and he was, without a doubt, the biggest git in the history  
of the universe. "Bloody!!"  
  
"Well we're all here right now, so that means we only have a few more  
minutes to go until they arrive."  
  
"Who are they?" Ford asked, trying to ignore the person in front of him,  
"I thought you said the Vogons wouldn't bother this planet."  
  
"No, the Vogons won't. It's the Kargons we should be worried about!"  
Setsuna exclaimed as she held up her Henshin rod and shouted out "Pluto  
Planet Power make up!!"   
  
For both Fords it was the first time they had seen a magical girl  
transformation. And for both of them they had only one thought go through  
their head. It was...  
  
"Why hello Ford, how nice of you to come and see us," which wasn't what Ford  
was thinking, but it did seem rather important since the voice did seem  
to have a few Vogons with it.   
  
"Oh boy," Ford Prefect sighed, knowing full well what would happen next. A  
pointless fight with people dying and the Sailor Suited Girls turning  
things to dust piles. It all sounded wonderfully pointless, so pointless  
that the two Plutos had smiles on their faces.   
  
Let it be stated right now that Setsuna, much Like Naru, knew the reasons  
as to why she was here and not eating her buffet. She knew the reason  
behind her picking up a replacement Senshi and she knew that everything fit  
together in a neat little package that annoyed the hell out of her.  
  
All in all her mood quite matched Naru's.  
  
And let it be known (for the Hitch Hikers guide does state this, in Big  
Bold letters too) that it's not in your best interest to get two time  
guardians angry.   
  
And the two Plutos where very angry indeed....  
  
To Be Continued  
  
  
y  
  



	4. Part 4:Interlude

Mizuno Productions Presents  
  
Another fine piece of Spam which is believed not to be spell checked,  
grammar checked, or Insanity checked by 9 out of 10 experts.   
  
The other expert was a bit loopy at the time of reading this so his  
opinion shouldn't be taken seriously. We never do...  
  
*****  
  
Richard Beaubien Presents   
  
Interlude   
  
or   
  
A reason as to why this is all happening.....  
  
*****  
  
Once, in the great endless history of the universe, there was a galaxy  
called the Milky Way. And in this galaxy was a small plain looking solar  
system which had a yellow sun and 8 planets in it. The system was just a  
usual little system, it had it's asteroids, it's moons, and it's own  
form of life inhabiting the local planets.   
  
And so all was happy there for a few hundred years for the eight planets  
that lived in the solar system. Life proceeded normally along it's  
evolutionary path with no side turns or detours. The people where as nice  
as any folk in the universe, and could make a killer drink which was  
always a plus for any civilized species.   
  
All in all it was a plain existence for the people.   
  
Plain that is, until that one infamous day, the day when the ninth planet  
appeared out of thin air into the solar system. Budging line to become  
the third planet of the system, it and it's moon began to slowly orbit the  
sun like it had been part of the solar system since day one.   
  
This perplexed the original inhabitants of the system since it wasn't   
exactly normal for a planet to pop out of space just like that.   
  
Comets yes, Asteroids maybe, and an occasional traveling space circus  
probably. But never in the history of the universe had a planet just  
popped out of thin air and start orbiting a sun.   
  
And so in a sudden rush of curiosity, the people of the solar system  
decided to set up a research station to study this planet. Using the moon  
as it's primary location, scientist began to collect data on the new  
resident of the system. And all of this data was collected and stored in  
the moon's computer systems for further study.  
  
This continued over the years until intelligent life evolved on the  
planet, and the research station turned into the seat of government  
for the solar system. It was during this time that the leader of the  
government sent down 8 of her closest advisors to meet and set up  
relations with these people.   
  
At this meeting the advisors were to learn the name the people used for  
their planet, a name which is used to this very day. And thus a grand ball  
was held to celebrate the starts of relations with the planet and to mark  
the beginning of a relationship which would transcend time itself.  
  
For at long last the rogue planet was a part of the system.   
  
And it would for ever more be known as Earth.  
  
****  
  
In a small but dank office hidden in the corner of a rather run-down  
building which was on a rather bland planet, was a man which was smoking a  
rather rancid cigar.   
  
The smoke filled the office with its putrid aroma, though the man didn't  
care about that. Smoking Cigars was one of the few things he enjoyed  
about his job and the smoke itself helped to cover the down-right  
ugliness of the place. The peeling wall paper, the grimy floor, the broken  
windows, and the various pictures of Dogs playing Poker all helped prove  
beyond a shadow of a doubt that this office was indeed a hell hole.   
  
Which is why the Universe's best cleaner picked this very office to be his  
home base. No one with even a shred of intelligence would even think of  
using this office if they had the money to be elsewhere, thus nobody would  
ever expect him to be here, in the middle of the biggest job in his  
career.  
  
The Cleaner grimaced as he flipped one of the paintings over to reveal a  
sub-space communicator. The job seemed so simple at first, infect some  
organic computer with a virus so it wouldn't be able to complete it's  
original purpose. And since it was a multi dimensional computer he would  
have to infect a node in every dimension, or at least 75% of  
them, to complete his task.   
  
A simple task really, if it wasn't for the anti-virus programs the  
computer had. Programs which had foiled his best efforts so far to place a  
virus in the system.   
  
Still, he was the best Cleaner in all the dimensions. And he always had  
the means to solve any problems he encountered.  
  
Even if it meant destroying a few solar systems in the process.  
  
The communicator suddenly flashed to life as a nervous underling started  
to make his report. "Sir, they seemed to have failed. The Kargons I mean.   
I don't know how since the system is a 1 on the blotch* scale, but they  
failed!!!"  
  
The cleaner frowned at this, clearly the computer had even tougher  
defenses than he had expected for the Kargons were own of the deadliest  
species he knew. But they had failed to deliver the virus to the  
computer which mean he had to go to his back up plan.   
  
A plan he rather liked if the truth be known. It involved alot of  
backstabbing and betrayal and a good romantic sub plot which always made  
his job more enjoyable. "Switch to Plan B!! Stay where you are and make  
sure nothing goes wrong."  
  
The screen faded to blackness as the cleaner started to walk over to  
another painting. A smile crossed over his face as he flipped it over  
revealing a small keyboard and computer. The virus he was about to launch  
would be one of the most powerful in the history of organic computers.  
And it would be entertaining too, which just made the plan even spiffier.  
  
It was almost a guaranteed success really, nothing could go wrong.   
  
And on the keyboard screen he typed out the password to start the virus,  
a password which read...  
  
'METALLIA'  
  
*****  
  
*The blotch scale is one of many scales developed by statisticians to put  
a number to almost every aspect of life.   
  
(An example of this was the failed Binary system of naming, which  
consisted of a series of 1 and 0's on a punch card to tell one person  
apart from another).   
  
To develop the blotch scale, a group of statisticians went out and  
started a random series of almost pointless wars. Looking at the   
aftermath of each battle they reasoned that the more effective units would  
leave a large amount of blocths (which where the remains of their  
opponents) while the less effective units would have little to no blotchs  
on the battlefield.  
  
Using these astute observations, they decided that a high number on the  
blotch scale meant that the unit was a killing machine while a low number  
meant that the unit was as a tame as kitten.   
  
There is one exception to this system is the zero blotch rating, which  
varies upon use of the Vernier Blotch scale or the Fournier Blotch System.  
In the Vernier one zero means that the person is helpless weakling while  
in the Fournier version zero is the most dangerous because the unit in  
essence vaporized his opponents (thus leaving zero blotchs around).  
  
The system is no longer in use because many statisticians despised the  
simplicity of the scale. Instead they prefer to use the much more complex  
and less understandable Kill Rod scale, where 100 KR (Kill Rod's) is  
deadlier than 50 but weaker than 250.  
  
This may also be the reason as to why most statisticians are among the  
first targets of an invading army (right behind lawyers and Street  
performers).  
  
****  
  
The harsh winds of the moon beat down upon Queen Serenity, as she slowly  
walked among the ruins of her once great Kingdom. Her last bit of energy  
was used to send all of the people of her Kingdom down to the Earth so  
they would have a chance at a peaceful life in the future. And One of  
those people was her very own daughter...  
  
Now the once great queen was hanging on to what remained of the thread of  
her life. The great rest of the ages would soon await for her as she did  
not wish to be reincarnated. It was time for the new generation to take  
the lead and it was time for her to finally visit her old friends. Perhaps  
now they could finally have that game of bridge that they had always  
wanted to play. After all, Queen Serenity would soon have all the time in  
the world to follow any hobby she wanted to pursue.  
  
But for some weird reason the final rest she craved was denied to her as  
an unknown force was pulling her somewhere. A place she could no longer  
recognize, but then the entire palace was foreign to her at this moment.  
The ruins carried none of the comfort that the palace once held.   
  
But still she was forced to go on, almost dragged towards her final  
destination. The place where she would finally be able to rest for  
eternity. And that place was the sea of Serenity.  
  
The former queen collapsed to the dirt of the moon as the force which had  
dragged her along vanished into thin air. In front of her was the  
great computer of the Silver Millennium, its monitors flashing a bright  
red colour. Serenity knew what that meant, the computer itself had a  
message of extreme importance to tell. A message that only the Queen could  
hear.  
  
Using what remained of her strength she pulled herself up to the terminal.  
Placing her hand on the screen, both she and the computer started to glow  
a cool white colour. And as the colour faded Serenity almost collapsed to  
the ground, only to have her fall stopped by the terminal..  
  
"It can't be...No, not this," She cried, her tears running covering most  
of her face. "I didn't send them to the future to face this!!!"  
  
"But you did send them forward, and there is nothing you can do about  
it," A voice from behind her laughed, causing her to turn around. The man  
was of a rather bulky set and had two reptilian goons beside him, each one  
having a large gun pointed at her. "You fought a brave fight but you only  
delayed the final destiny of this system. But you seem to know that now."   
  
"I swear, I will stop with every last ounce of my power!!" Serenity  
yelled, trying to buy some time to gather in the needed power to  
accomplish what she needed to do.  
  
"Your burned out, and now your dead." The man said plainly as he pointed  
at her. His hired goons followed his order by pulling the trigger on their  
guns.  
  
Serenity smiled as she pulled in the last wisps of her remaining power,  
ignoring the energy blasts that impacted into her. "I will...fight...   
you..." she mumbled as she let go of the power she was storing, surrounding  
herself in a white ball of energy.   
  
However, the ball faded shortly after it had formed, leaving the corpse  
of Queen Serenity to fall to the ground with a thud. "She's dead, but the  
computer is gone," the man muttered as he looked around the Sea of  
Serenity for any signs of the computer, "Well we might as well go home. I  
doubt anyone else could find it."  
  
It wasn't until well after the hitmen left that the body of Queen Serenity  
began to glow again. And from the glowing body game a small yellow sphere,  
a sphere which began to fly slowly down to the planet Earth.  
  
****  
  
It was not going good...  
  
Every single plan, every thing devised to prevent the computer from  
achieving it's true purpose had backfired. The Wars, the Space Pirate  
Ryouko, and Bill Gates had all failed to infect the computer with their  
virus.   
  
And thus a majority of the computer's nodes across the dimensions still  
worked towards it's one goal. A goal which would soon be completed if he  
didn't do something soon.   
  
And he already knew what just what he was going to do this little  
computer.  
  
"Send in the Vogons, I'd rather like to see an Express way built in that  
system."  
  
****  
  
Once there was a group of inter dimensional beings who began to ponder the  
important questions of life, like who are we, why are we here, and why  
did the Rubix cube sell so well?   
  
Thus they built a super computer to answer these questions, only to find  
that the answer to life, the universe, and everything else wasn't exactly  
as grand as they had originally expected. In fact it was a rather bland  
answer of truth be known. And the answer was presented with yet another  
problem...  
  
To find the true question for the theory of life, the universe, and why  
people think convertible cars are neat in a rainy climate.   
  
So, in order to find the question to the answer they created the greatest  
super computer known to in the history of multiverse itself. A computer  
so great that it had to be placed in another dimension where it would be  
monitored by a group of scientists turned into lab mice.   
  
This computer was named Earth, and it truly was a great computer.   
  
But even the mice had no idea how great it was. For not only did one Earth  
come into existence in this one dimension but across an infinite amount of  
other dimensions Earths began to pop up as well. Each individual Earth was  
one node for the vast super computer, the greatest in existence. And this  
computer soon set out to find the real question to life, the universe,  
and everything else...  
  
And all was fine and dandy for everyone except the people who didn't want  
the secrets of the universe revealed. People whose own personal hold on  
power would be lost with these very ideas released. And thus they went  
about trying to stop the computer from doing it's task, sending in  
Computer viruses like the Metallia virus, the Microsoft virus, and the New  
Coke virus.  
  
But except for a scant few planets the viruses didn't work. The computer   
was able to produce a series of Anti Viral programs to protect most of  
its nodes, to stop these attacks against the Earths. And the computer was  
still able to stay on its original task, still working to find the  
question to everything and nothing.  
  
It's then no surprise that when the Vogons came to build there Interstellar  
bypass they ended up getting a rather unexpected welcome.   
  
****  
  
"What!! They failed!! But how?" the cleaner yelled as he lost control of  
his temper. The great Vogon Bypass project had only worked on 5% of the  
nodes in existence, and even then more than half of them had managed to  
heal themselves of all damage. That meant that, in total, the processing  
power of the computer was reduced by only 3% due to the work of the  
cleaner. And that meant it had more than enough power to do what it was  
meant to do.   
  
Find the meaning of life and all that other junk.  
  
"Well," the voice from the communicator timidly replied, "we have one  
report coming saying that the Vogons where chased off by the singing of a  
girl named Minmei. But other than that we've heard nothing. It looks like  
none of the other units survived Sir!"   
  
"Do we have an idea as to why this happened?"  
  
"No sir!!"  
  
"Then find out. You're dismissed!" The Cleaner grunted as he lit another  
cigar. It had all gone down hill, and he had no idea why it had happened.   
No anti-viral program in existence could resist what the cleaner had  
thrown at the nodes of the computer, yet all of his plans had failed.   
Perhaps it was time to deal with this little program and take it out of  
the picture.   
  
Of course he had to find out what program the computers was using to foil  
all of his plans...  
  
"Sir!!" The voice started up again, this time with a hint of confidence to  
it, "The computers have found the reason as to why we haven't been able to  
destroy the nodes with the Vogons. It's a man, just one man."  
  
"Who is this man?"  
  
"It's Ford Prefect." The picture of Ford replaced that of the Cleaner's  
underling. Slowly the cleaner looked it over, taking in every detail ever  
known about the person. Finally the computer had made a mistake, revealing  
the identity of its ace in the hole, and soon the cleaner would make sure  
the 'Ford Prefect' program would never be able to bother him again.  
  
"This Prefect, find him and kill him!!"  
  
****  
  
It was a nice spring day and the birds where singing the praises of the  
warm weather. The cherry blossoms where in full bloom and filled the air  
with its fresh scent. A fresh scent Ikuko breathed in as she opened the  
windows in Usagi's room, allowing the fresh air to fill the room.   
  
"My, can't Usagi ever keep this room clean," Ikuko groaned as she looked  
around at the mess that her daughter was living in. After all, it just  
wasn't proper for a high school student to be living in a pigsty. Ikuko  
wished that Usagi had someone to share the room with again, just so she   
would have some reason to keep the place clean.  
  
This struck Ikuko as kinda of odd since she Usagi had always slept in  
that room alone. She had a few fleeting thoughts of someone else  
sharing the room with Usagi, but Ikuko knew that was impossible.  
  
At least she thought it was, Ikuko couldn't really be sure these days. She  
was still wondering just who this 'Chibi-Usa' person was and why she'd  
have a cup at the Tsukino household. When she asked Usagi about it she   
seemed to dodge the question, before answering in a nervous laugh that it  
was her old cup from when she used Chibi-Usa as a nick name.  
  
Ikuko didn't need to look at her daughter's nervous face to know that she  
was lying because Ikuko was a 100% certain that she never heard Usagi use  
the nickname before.  
  
Still, the name was familiar to her for some strange reason. And when ever  
she thought of it she couldn't help but think of a small girl with Pink  
hair and Odangos just like Usagi's.  
  
And there was something else that was bothering her, something she had  
dreamed about over the last couple of nights. A dream where she stood in  
front of a terminal with a message flashing on it. And behind the terminal  
stood two girls in outfits which looked almost (but not quite) like Sailor  
Moon's. And what was even stranger was the fact that one of the girls  
looked like Usagi's friend Naru, which struck Ikuko as odd because she  
never seen Naru with a giant key before.  
  
However it was just another feeling she had, one of many. And she placed  
it off in the back of her mind with the ones where she thought Usagi was  
Sailor Moon, that the world was going to end, and that Pepsi was actually  
better than Coke. And they had absolutely no effect on her life.   
  
It wasn't because of these feelings that Tsukino Ikuko was planning on  
going to the Tokyo Tower for a day trip. She just wanted to visit there  
again and see the views. She certainly wasn't there because of some grand  
destiny.   
  
And these feelings had nothing to do with the power the Ikuko felt in her.  
They where in fact cause by her daughters cooking last night. They had to  
be, Ikuko remembered the last '100 tums' dinner Usagi cooked for them.   
  
It was just a coincidence that Ikuko was going to the place where the  
battle for the planet Earth as going to take place, a battle she was  
going to play an important part in. The fact that Ikuko dreamed about the  
battle the night before she went there was just some incredible weird  
coincidence....  
  
If only Tsukino Ikuko had read the Hitchhikers Guide before going on her  
trip, for she would of found out that there is no such thing as a  
coincidence in the universe. Perhaps then she would of stayed home and  
watched TV instead of going to the Tower.   
  
Perhaps then she would of avoided the fight, the questions, and the all  
the other weird stuff that happened there.   
  
But if that did happen then the next chapter wouldn't be much fun at all   
then...  
  
****  
  
End Interlude  



	5. Part 5/5.51111111111 The Finale, No Real...

Mizuno Productions Presents  
  
Another fine piece of Spam Fic that is neither spell checked, grammar  
checked, or Insanity checked. However the Prem Fic has been completely  
checked and given a Grade A label by the USDA and the Canadian  
Government...  
  
****  
  
Ikuko sighed as she entered the elevator to go up to the observation deck  
of the Tokyo Tower. Some of her best memories came from here yet she  
always seemed to have a love/hate relationship with the Tower for some  
weird reason.   
  
After all Ikuko only had happy memories of this place.  
  
It was here that she and Kenjii had their first date, Kenjii taking her up  
to the observation deck to show her all sort of stuff he thought was cool   
. Ikuko just humored him at that time, she certainly wasn't interested in  
the things Kenjii was looking at. But her heart was warmed by the  
way Kenjii acted to her and the enthusiasm he showed in trying to make her  
happy even though he had no idea what her interests were.   
  
Kenjii soon picked them up though, and after they had been going out for a  
couple of years they visited the Tower again and Kenjii proposed to her.  
Sitting on one knee, he promised to take her one day to the tower she  
really wanted to see. The Effiel tower, where the two of them would have a  
romantic dinner one day during the setting sun. Ikuko was absolutely  
ecstatic, not about the promise of going to France but the fact that  
Kenjii truly cared about her and would try to make her happy. And in a few  
months, after both families approved of the wedding, the young couple tied  
the knot in a traditional Shinto ceremony.   
  
It was one of the happiest moments in her life, a memory she would treasure  
forever. After all the Tokyo Tower held nothing but happy memories for her  
and her family...  
  
At least she felt that way until Sailor Moon popped onto the scene. Ever  
since then Ikuko had felt a strange feeling that the tower reminded her of  
something, something she had lost from the past. It was just a feeling of  
course, but she had ended up avoiding the tower ever since. Though she did  
go to it once with Chibi-Usa on a school field trip.   
  
Whoever that Chibi-Usa person was, Ikuko thought as the Elevator stopped  
on the observation deck. She only had vague memories of her and a coffee  
cup with her name on it. That and she had a vision of a Chibi Usagi with  
Pink hair instead of blonde. But other than that she had no idea who this  
Chibi-Usa person was, absolutely none at all.   
  
"Thank you for visiting the Tokyo Tower" the guide in the elevator spoke  
as the door's open, "The sky is clear blue so you'll be able to have a  
wonderful view of Tokyo today."   
  
'That's nice' Ikuko thought as she started to leave the platform, 'Maybe  
I'll be able to look at some of the things Kenjii pointed out to me back  
then'. Ikuko smiled, wondering if that mysterious 'Giant Robot' Kenjii  
pointed out back then was still there. 'He was a bit of an Otaku back  
then,' she mused suddenly forgetting any bad feelings she had about this  
place.  
  
"You may want to look to your left on the platform as something special is  
happening," the guide continued though Ikuko could barely hear her by the  
telescopes. "The famous Sailor Senshi are fighting a couple of monsters  
so you might want to take a few picture of them!!!"  
  
"What!?" Ikuko exclaimed as she turned around to see three Sailor Senshi  
face off against two rather ugly monsters. Looking closer, she could  
almost swear that she knew one of the Sailor Senshi, the short one with  
Giant Key. She thought she knew the big one with the giant key too, but  
she certainly didn't recognize the girl with glaive.   
  
"Why hello Ford, how nice of you to come and see us," the human standing  
between the monsters said in an overly confident voice. At least Ikuko  
thought the guy was a human, he at least looked like it. But then didn't  
all monster look human before they turned into an ugly lizard like monster  
like the ones that surrounded him.   
  
"You've saved us a lot of effort by coming here, so please continue to be  
a gentleman and allow us to kill you!!" The voice continued as Ikuko  
started to walk towards them, finally recognizing who the young girl with  
the Giant key was. And she also had a fair idea of who the monsters were  
too.  
  
"Naru!!!" She screamed as she started to run towards them, hoping that she  
wouldn't be too late. "Get away from the Vogons!!!" A small yellow sphere  
of power formed in her hands as she ran through the crowd, looking for a  
place to get a clear shot at the monsters. After all she knew what she had  
to do to stop these monsters from destroying the planet.   
  
Which cause Ikuko to stop and think for a moment, just how did she know  
all of this stuff about the Sailor Senshi and these monsters. She couldn't  
really know any of it unless she was the direct reincarnation of...of...  
  
And at the point in time all of her old memories came flooding back into  
her head, not just the memories dealing with the Vogons. She rememberd who  
she really was in her past life and why the Tower had such unpleasant  
memories for her. And as all the thoughts came flowing into her head,  
Ikuko did what any reasonable person would do when they found about they  
had a past life.  
  
She fainted.  
  
  
****  
  
Richard Beaubien Presents  
  
An Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon/Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Crossover  
  
An Eating Guide to Silver Millennium Part 5: A Cheaque, a Chocolate Mint,  
and one hell of a hang over...  
  
****  
  
The Hitchhikers guide has a large entry on the subject of reincarnation,  
how it happens and how you can avoid becoming a civil servant in the next  
life.   
  
In this section is a wonderful set of guide lines on how you can shape  
your next life. For example, if you want to change your appearance to  
something else in the next life time you should sleep with the picture of  
what you really want to look like under your pillow. That way, the guide  
states, your sub conscious will absorb your dream appearance through sleep  
osmosis*.   
  
If you want a different job, then start hanging tools around the house  
for that job you really want. And thus your mind in the next life will  
remember tools from that job and thus think it'd be a rather spiffy occupation  
for you to take (This also save the messy time and money needed for   
retrainingg in your present life).   
  
And most importantly if you want your reincarnation to remember it's past  
life then the guide states that you should right a diary and mail it with  
a stamp to your 'Future Self'. If done early enough the post office should  
get it to your reincarnation after the first 30 years of it's life, though  
it costs less if you do it after 50.  
  
Of course that's just the tip of the iceberg, the guide contains hundreds  
of tips carefully researched from the planet Yarelsburger. Where everyone  
is reincarnated into there view of the perfect life by following these  
simple tips, reincarnated into the most ruthless high seas accountants in  
the universe.  
  
All in all, the guide entry is a much more exciting read than the  
Encyclopedia Galactica entry for reincarnation which defines it as 'a rare  
event triggered by large amount of magical energy'.   
  
(*Sleep osmosis is a theory of writing and reading during your sleep by  
placing a book or piece of blank paper under your head while you sleep.  
That way you can absorb the text into your dreams or write your dreams out  
on the piece of paper. This theory is generally scoffed at by most sane  
people, though the editors of the Hitchhikers Guide have been rumored to  
be using this system to edit Guide entries for the past year and a half.)  
  
****  
  
A faint breeze flew through the Tokyo Tower as a few of the tourists took  
photos of the impending monster fight. A monster fight which was delayed  
by the rather insane woman who ran at them yelling Naru and Vogons before  
she fainted on the ground. Yamucha had brushed her off as a non threat  
when she collapsed to the floor, even though she knew about the Vogons.  
The knowledge wouldn't do her a bit of good with her unconscious on the  
floor, and right now he had more important things to deal with.   
  
Mainly the three people in those ridiculous costumes that where called the  
'Sailor Senshi' and the people that were using flash bulbs to take  
photo's of the fight. Yamucha really hated Flash bulbs, they always  
made his eyes blink and take away from the sense of coolness he tried to  
emit.   
  
"Ahem, please don't use the flash bulb for any pictures please," Yamucha   
announced causing some people to reply with a quick Gomen, "Now  
let's continue, Ford. Your time has run out so accept it and let's us kill  
you!!" Yamucha made a quick hand signal to the two Vogons around him  
and they quickly raised there guns and pointed them at Ford.  
  
Unfortunately the two Senshi with the Key where standing in front of the  
two Fords, blocking the Vogons shot. Yamucha sighed and delayed the  
order to fire, he didn't want to kill them in cold blood. No, he wanted to  
see the three of them suffer as their home planet was destroyed utterly by   
the Kargon fleet.  
  
Yamucha knew it was cruel, but he didn't care one bit.  
  
"Ahem, can you please move. I don't want to destroy you but I will if I  
have to."   
  
"Ja Ken Po!!" The two Senshi yelled in unison as the smaller one made a  
horizontal V with her hand while the bigger one made a her hand flat.  
Yamucha looked on in amazement as the two of them seemed to be ignoring  
his threats to use the Vogons. In fact they seemed to be playing some sort  
of childish game instead of fearing for their lives.  
  
"Excuse me, hello I have two guns pointed at your head!!!"   
  
"We know, Yamucha-san," The younger girl explained as she goodbye to the  
older one, who quickly disappeared in flash of light. Now only two Sailor  
Senshi remained, the small one with the Key and the even smaller one with  
glaive. "But we where just deciding who was going to live and who's going  
to waste their life in vain trying to stop your masterful plan. Alas I  
have to remain," the girl finished in between sobs.   
  
It was enough to make anyone cry, Yamucha noted as a broad smile   
appeared on his face. It was nice to know they actually understood the  
situation they where in and knew it was hopeless. Things like that made  
the upcoming fight scene so much easier to handle. "Ahh, so you know it is  
hopeless. Well why don't you step aside and let us handle things okay!"  
  
"I can't do that, after all I've sworn to protect the Earth even if it  
means my death," a meek reply came from the Senshi, "So I will fight  
you!!!"   
  
The two remaining Senshi brought their weapons up to defend their selves in  
an almost pointless gesture. The gun fire would soon rip them to shreds,  
nothing could stop a Kill-O-Matic blast. Yet the two still bravely fought  
on or at least talked of fighting on. It was almost as if they where  
trying to buy time for some desperate plan to work.   
  
Either that or they where completly stupid. Yamucha definitly thought it  
was the latter, after all only a complete nut case would wear an outfit*  
like that and make silly speeches at the beginning of a fight scene.   
  
And that's when he finally noticed something. There was only one  
Ford behind the Senshi with the Giant Key. Only one Ford eating one of  
those rancid Happy Meals.   
  
"Saturn, GO!!!" The Senshi with the key yelled as the two started flying  
towards them, not looking afraid or timid at all. In fact they looked  
very much like they could kick his and the Vogons butt across the tower.  
  
And Yamucha didn't like the way things where looking one bit.  
  
****  
  
(*The guide has offered a couple of theories as to why Magical Girls wear  
the ridiclious outfits that they wear. These theories are then backed up  
by reviews and criticisms from many experts on the genre. Since a full  
treatment is beyond the relm of this text the author recommens that you  
instead order that lastest revision of the guide and the special "Magical  
Girl Companion book", which lists all of the known magical girl in  
existance.   
  
To send away for one of these books, please mail a self addressed  
stamped envalope to the Hitchikers Guide. Do not specify a planet as the  
guide moves from planet to planet every 4 months. Instead just stick some  
stamps on it and will be picked up at some point in the future.*)   
  
****  
  
The spring air filled the air and the birds where chirping in the  
distance. The cherry blossoms were out in full force in the park as  
thousands of people walked under their beauty. Even Ford was awed by the  
sight, even though he had seen hundreds of other sites just as beautiful  
on other planets.   
  
But still the scene moved Ford Prefect to contentment and helped him forget  
his troubles, troubles to do with Vogons and young girls in Sailor Suits.  
It was just by pure luck that he had managed to escape away from the  
chaos, sneaking away while the parties started broke into conversation and  
not battle. And he imagined they were still talking right now since he had  
managed to avoid any pursuit. Now Ford just needed to find a way back  
home, where ever that was, so he could settle down and start doing the  
things he wanted to do in life.   
  
Which involved getting drunk and having good times with alot of pretty  
women.   
  
It also had involved stuff to do with dimensional travel and a whole bunch  
of other weird metaphysical stuff like that, but for some reason Ford had  
forgotten all about that. He only knew that something strange had happened  
and he need to be as far away from the Vogons as he could possibly be.  
Preferably some place in England, where he could drink some ale and maybe  
pretend to be an out of work actor.  
  
And that struck Ford as being perfectly froody. From there he would be  
able to signal to passing hitchhikers and maybe find a ride to another  
planet. And if not he could always write an entry for the planet for the  
guide.   
  
And has he left the park and walked towards a bank machine to use the  
credit card he had always had with him (though he thought it just popped  
out of thin air at first), Ford Prefect very much started to make plans  
that involved absolutely no Vogons in it.   
  
None at all.  
  
****  
  
She really hated Odangos.  
  
She absolutely positively hated them, along with blonde hair. It  
absolutely turned her stomach to even imagine those vile things in her  
hair. Sure it looked okay on her mother, but to her she was a straight  
black hair women with a pony tail.  
  
But her mother wouldn't let her change her style, after it was all part of  
being Serenity.'You need to have long blonde hair made into the odango  
hair style, it just wouldn't fit to have something else Serenity-chan' her  
mother would say to her whenever she tried to put her hair into a  
different style.  
  
That was another thing that irked her, being called Serenity. Not  
Serenity Jr, not Serenity the 3rd, just plain Serenity. It smacked of  
laziness in naming and when ever she had a kid she probably pick some  
completely ridiculous name like Rabbit to stop the vile tradition in its  
tracks.   
  
But, much like she kept her hair in Odangos and kept her hair blonde,  
she also named her beloved daughter Serenity, Princess Serenity. Oh how  
Queen Serenity wanted black hair, oh how she wanted to protect her  
daughter from harm. Protect every one from some strange visitor coming to  
wreak havoc on everyone she ever cared for.  
  
Ikuko slowly opened her eyes with that thought, looking at her long black  
hair. Looking around she saw the fight taking place around her. Naru and  
Hotaru, Sailor Pluto and Sailor Saturn, where fighting the Vogons right  
now but they forgot about one man.   
  
The man had killed her on the moon.   
  
The man that had forced her reincarnation.  
  
"YAMUCHA!!!!!!!!"   
  
****  
  
Today it was argument #301, Ami noted as she started to eat her sweet  
potato. Rei and Usagi where once again arguing, and they where in the  
middle of type 301, one they rarely used which surprised Ami. Perhaps they  
where starting to branch out in their arguments, looking for a new  
challenge. What ever the case it was a pleasant change from the usual  
arguments they had, the #50 and #101.  
  
Truth be known, Ami had no idea when she started to number the arguments  
that Rei and Usagi had. Perhaps it started during one of their numerous  
manga debates they seemed to have, or maybe it started when she needed  
something to occupy herself during one of there small tiffs they always  
seemed to have.  
  
What ever the case, the moment Ami started she found out that they just  
didn't have one argument over and over again, they had a variety of  
different arguments. In fact Ami was able to class over 400 different  
arguments they had, including argument #40 which was a manga argument with  
Rei calling Usagi Baka, and argument #75 which was a manga argument with  
tongues being stuck out at each other.   
  
The subtle differences, the interplay between each other, and even the  
tone of voice all offered Ami something to research. Besides it took her  
mind of the argument going on. She sighed as she finished her potato off,  
Rei and Usagi always did have a weird method of showing friendship.  
  
"Excuse me," A voice from behind interrupted Ami's thoughts, and the  
argument. The gathered inner Senshi all turned around to face the voice  
and their worst fears. "We have a new enemy to worry about" Sailor Pluto,  
Meiou Setsuna, said with a flat face.   
  
"Oh no!! And I just got a boyfriend!!" Minako and Makoto exclaimed, both  
dreading the thought of a few months of a monster attack destroying the   
fledging relationships they had. Ami herself didn't want to lose anytime  
studying for college entrance exams, even though she really didn't need to  
study.   
  
"I don't wanna face another enemy," Usagi cried, "I don't wanna be  
fighting it for months after months. Why can't monsters just leave us  
alone!!"  
  
"Oh don't be such a cry baby Usagi!!" Rei replied in a mocking tone, the  
usual lead in to a #201 argument. Or maybe a new argument, Ami hoped,  
having so few montser attacks arguments among the one's she had classified  
so far. Perhaps at last she would be able to crack the 500 mark in  
research.   
  
But Setsuna stopped the argument with one quick comment, "How would you  
like to take the enemy out in one shot?"  
  
"Eh, What do you mean Pluto?"   
  
"A preemptive strike, we hit them with a Sailor Planet attack before they  
even land." Pluto explained, with a smile on her face. It struck Ami as a  
good plan, one that she was surprised they hadn't used before. But then  
they didn't know where and when the enemy was attacking.  
  
"So do we know their location in the system Pluto?" Ami asked, hoping that  
a quick end to the situation would be possible.   
  
Setsuna just smiled at Ami, "Yes we do, and all we need to do is use your  
computer to tweak the coordinates and then we can fire at will"  
  
"Sugoi!! And then I can go out on my date with Mamo-chan later!!" Usagi  
exclaimed, causing Rei to go into a #302 argument, which soon evolved into  
a #10 argument, before it turned into an original argument.  
  
Ami had her 500th argument, and it made her very happy indeed.  
  
****  
  
It was going very bad for Yamucha, extremely bad actually. The young Sailor  
Senshi, Sailor Pluto and Sailor Saturn, had managed to turn his Vogons  
into a pile of dust after a few minutes of fighting. Add to that the fact  
one of the Fords had managed to escape and you get the formula for a very  
bad day.  
  
"YAMUCHA!!!" the woman on the floor yelled as she started to get up, rage  
on her face.   
  
Yamucha sighed, just what he needed, a crazy woman after him. But he still  
had one ace up his sleeve. And he just need to reach over and grab it.   
  
"HELP!!" Ford yelled as Yamucha pressed a gun against his forehead. He  
didn't not want to die there, he still had a whole collection of Happy  
Meal toys left to collect. "He'll shoot me!! Help!!"  
  
"I mean it!!!" Yamucha yelled, keeping is Mini-Kill-O-Matic firmly on Ford  
Perfect's forehead.  
  
Ikuko stopped moving forward but Sailor Pluto just looked at him with a  
wry grin on her face. "Go ahead, we don't need him any more!" Pluto  
answered in a casual tone as she started to walk away from Yamucha.  
  
"WHAT!!" Both men exclaimed in a panic, "But...But..But.."  
  
"The Ford we wanted to keep aliveh as left the building and you won't be  
bothering him what with your Vogons and the Kargons soon to be out of the  
picture" Pluto replied with a rather cocky smile on her face. A smile that  
someone usually had on when the beat someone at a game.   
  
The large ball of white energy that flew up from the sky at the exact  
coordinates of the Vogon ship and the Kargon armada confirmed that he had  
indeed lost. Completely and Horribly...  
  
They had him in check, and he would soon be in checkmate.   
  
And if he didn't do something soon he would be dead, either by a young  
girl's magic attack or by a Vogon using his head for a came of BASHSMASH.  
Of course he had a back up plan to use in case he was put into this  
situation. And the plan was a real good one too...  
  
He slowly dropped the gun from Ford's head and pushed him into the Senshi.  
That should buy him enough time to pull off phase one, which should be  
enough to destroy the puny planet.  
  
"YAMUCHA!! I'll get you for what you did!" Ikuko yelled as she started  
glowing a white aura. Suddenly Yamucha had a clear idea why the lady was  
acting crazy earlier and why she would know about the Vogons.   
  
It was Queen Serenity, even though Yamucha killed her in the past, and she  
was none too happy with him.   
  
"Die!!!" A beam of white light was fired from Ikuko and impacted into  
Yamucha, enveloping him. And as he was surrounded by the light, fading into  
nothingness, Yamucha just couldn't help but think what a prick fate was.   
  
"It's over," Ikuko, Queen Serenity, sighed as she whipped her forehead,  
"But I still have a few more things to do on the moon. I'll meet you there  
soon."  
  
"Not for a couple of years at least," Sailor Pluto smiled, "I've got to  
act like a helpless victim for a few years before I can meet you up  
there."   
  
"I guess you do.."  
  
"Tell Sailor Pluto I'll be coming to pick up my stuff soon!!" Naru  
exclaimed as she started to disappear, probably going back to her original  
time. After all she needed to live the next few years of her life.   
  
"Well Sailor Saturn, do you want to come along too?" Ikuko asked, getting  
a good look at the young girl. She never really knew Sailor Saturn back in  
her time, back in the Silver Millennium. That was something she was  
planning to change.  
  
"But what about Ford and these people?"  
  
Ikuko paused, before she filled the room with a dull white glow. "They'll  
forget everything, and for all of Ford's trouble he'll get an all you can  
eat Happy Meal."  
  
"Well that should tie up all of the lose ends."   
  
"Not really, we still have one more to tie up." Ikuko smiled as the two of  
them faded away.   
  
****  
  
Not much else remains to be told in the story, though there are a few  
points left to be touched on.   
  
The Kargons armada was hit by the Sailor Planet Attack and quickly  
destroyed. Not a trace of the fleet remained, and thus the home planet was  
left defense less. Soon after the Sirrius cooperation set up a home  
office on the planet (because it offered no resistance to the invading  
army) and thus the Kargons began to label the entire Earth experience a  
really big accident that they would rather forget.  
  
An accident they wished never to repeat again.  
  
Ford Perfect remained on the planet and continued to eat Happy Meals for  
another year before he died, from a lack of nutrition. Still, he wished  
all of his Happy Meal toys would be buried with him and that a Happy Meal  
toy would be made after him. The first wish was fulfilled, but the second  
wasn't because Ford's death had caused the downfall of McDonalds. People  
soon found that they needed a healthier fast food alternative and decided  
to switch to KFC.  
  
The Cleaner failed to destroy the super computer before it computed it's  
answer, but he is still at work trying to infect another computer.   
  
Osaka Naru went back to the past and lived her life as normally as she  
could, despite the fact that she was constantly attacked by monsters.  
Although Sailor Moon never noticed it, it has been whispered that Naru had  
a rather wry grin on her face at the start of every attack.  
  
And the Sailor Senshi are still at work, defending Earth from all sorts of  
monsters and weird stuff. Even though they have one more Sailor Pluto than  
the used to have....  
  
The End.  
  
****   
  
Epilogue 1 (In the Sea of Serenity, shortly after the defeat of Yamucha  
and his Vogons)  
  
Ikuko sighed as she looked at the ruins of her former palace, or what  
remained of them. Not much was left of the once great Kingdom except dust  
and sand, that and the computer terminal she was now using. She hoped it  
held the final clue to all of this chaos and some help on how to explain  
herself to Usagi. Her memory was still swiss cheese really, and she  
wondered if some of her memories where real.   
  
"The Computer is saying something!!" Hotaru pointed out as the screen  
flashed to life. Slowly text flooded the screen as it started to boot up.  
A few seconds letter the screen was blank before a single sentence filled  
the screen.  
  
'Failsafe Ford Prefect Replaced-Faulty Program Eliminated'  
'Backup Plan Dent is now insured, Primary Task safe'  
  
"Hmm..So that Ford Perfect was a virus infected fail safe," Ikuko muttered  
to herself. She knew about the organic computer, it was the reason she  
sent herself to the future instead of dying as Queen Serenity. She had to  
protect her daughter from the people that would infect the computer.   
  
"It's starting up again, look!!" Hotaru yelled as a bunch of graphics  
filled the screen. Ikuko quickly knew what they where, in fact she was  
probably the only person who knew how to translate them. "Do you know what  
they mean Ikuko?" Hotaru asked.   
  
Ikuko just grimaced, she now knew why the Computer had summoned her to the  
Terminal on that very day. It wasn't just to help save the planet Earth  
from harm, she was to be used for some other purpose. A purpose she agreed  
with, but didn't want to spend time doing.   
  
She wanted to spend time with Kenjii, perhaps go to the Effiel tower  
finally. She also wanted to see Shingo and Usagi marry and have grand  
kids. And she wanted to be able to take long walks on the beach with  
Kenjii when he retired. All in all she wanted to be normal, not Serenity.  
Not again.  
  
At least she knew why she had a love/hate relationship with the tower. She  
loved it because of Kenjii, but she hated it because deep down it would  
mark the end of an old life. She would still have time to spend with  
Kenjii, but she would also be working towards something else. Something  
bigger...  
  
"Ikuko?"   
  
"I'm fine," Ikuko muttered, "It was just thinking of a few things. Anyway  
the read out goes something like this. 'Secondary task required to  
correctly completre primary task started. Construction of the Computer  
called 'Crystal Tokyo' started, OS used 'Serenity-Ver 3.12', to be  
completed using help from Serenity 3.0 along with the Senshi Browser.'"  
  
"What...What is that!?"  
  
"It's the computer being built to replace Earth," Ikuko replied, "Sigh, I  
really hate Odangos!!!" She really did, she despised them with all of her  
heart.   
  
But then nobody ever seemed to listen to her....  
  
****  
  
Epilogue Part 2 (Sometime in the distant Future)  
  
It was a rather nice house really, even though it did look kind of bland.   
  
But Arthur thought it was kind of nice, and since since he owned the  
house his opinion was the only one that mattered. Not the opinions of his  
drinking buddies, nor the opinion of the construction foreman who just   
happened to want to destroy his house today.   
  
"Come on chap, it's a rather dingy old house!!" The foreman tried to  
explain, all the while pushing away the visions of him slicing this Dent  
into itty pitty pieces with a sword. He tended to have visions like that  
when he ever he got angry at someone, though he never acted on them. He  
would of liked to though, especialy with the way this Dent fellow was  
acting.  
  
"No, I wasn't informed about the freeway to be built here. You have no  
ground to stand on! The Judge won't stand for it!!"   
  
"Bloody hell, you had enough time to look at the papers, they where in  
City Hall!!"  
  
"In a unlighted room in an obscure corner in the basement of an abandoned   
city building" Arthur yelled as he put yet another nail into the coffin of  
responsible civic government, if there was such a thing in the first  
place. He needed some help, any kind of help really...  
  
"Excuse me, But is something wrong here," Ford asked asked as he walked up  
the driveway, answering Arthurs prayers.   
  
"Yes there is Ford, this man is trying to destroy my house!!!" Arthur  
yelled, still maintaining his position in front of the bulldozer. He dearly  
hoped Ford can talk him out destroying house, after all Ford did have a  
habit of manipulating people.   
  
And after a few minutes of talk and negotiation, Ford got the upper hand much  
to Arthur's delight. At least it looked that with Ford wearing a big smile  
and the demolition guy wearing a huge frown. "Come on, let's go get a  
beer." Ford offered as he helped Arthur up from the mud.   
  
"Thank you Ford, you saved my house!!!"  
  
"Ah, it's no biggie!!"  
  
"Yes it is, I owe you a big favor, and I'll repay it by buying a round of  
drinks for you!!!"  
  
"Sure go ahead, though you'll be owing me another favor soon," Ford  
replied before Arthur's curious gaze stopped his reply further. Ford  
needed to get as much Alcohol into both of their systems quickly if they  
where going to get off the planet and he also need to get Arthur away from  
the house quickly.   
  
After all the team was going to start destroying it in a few minutes.   
  
But that didn't matter to Ford, houses where really a pointless thing when  
the world was about to be encased in Crystal thanks to some weird  
Black Moon cult thingy.   
  
Not that Ford was planning to be a part of the nap time from hell, no he  
was going to hitch a ride off this back water planet quickly. And he only  
had one more thing to bring, thought he wondered why he was bringing it   
at all.   
  
But then Ford thought it would be absolutely froody to hitchhike with an  
Earthman.   
  
They did, after all, have good beer....  
  
****  
  
Whew...I actually finished a semi-long fic in a short amount of time.  
Sometimes I do suprise myself. ^^   
  
Anyway I do have a few thanks to say before I leave this project forevere.   
Thanks go to Mike Koos for providing the general mood of Insanity for this  
project and editing part 1. Big thanks to Jussi Nikander for helping edit  
parts 2-4. Special thanks to Nick Condor for helping me track down more  
Rayearth and BSSM....  
  
Anyway, I hope you'd like it. If not sod off....:P  
  
Downing yet another case of Non-Alcholic Molson's....  
  
Ja ne!!  
  
Richard Beaubien  
----------------  
Suzuki Arimi, Mizuno Ami, Aya-san forever!!!! WAI!!!  
  
Fanfic homepage http://www.anime.usacomputers.net/~beaubird/  
  
  



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